When I look at the rich and diverse ways that I have worked with people, and the rich and diverse group of people I have worked with, it might seem difficult to really wrap my head around the question “what do you do?”  But when I lay everything out and look for the common thread, what I find is that the practice of loving my pain is at the core of my personal healing practice and the work I do with everyone: from the child welfare service I did for years, to the support I offered women faced with cancer diagnoses, to men and women struggling with co-dependent relationships, to healing from heartache, to physical and medical challenges. Pain that was physical, pain that was mental, pain that was emotional and spiritual suffering as well.

When it comes right down to it, we are here in our bodies. Regardless of our beliefs about why or what happens after the body goes, we are conscious beings inside physical bodies and the reality of that physical existence includes pain.

Most pain, I have found, comes from separation. Otherness, abandonment, neglect, distance, there are lots of different levels of separation and lots of different ways it manifests, but when we feel disconnected from self, others, the body, Source, we feel pain. Ironically, pain frequently inspires us to want to pull away and distance ourselves from the discomfort, which leads to more separation and more pain.

My work, which I’ve found to be surprisingly powerful, effective, gentle and fast (sometimes verging on the miraculous), focuses on shifting the consciousness . . . doing a u-turn, and going right into that pain as fully and as deeply as possible. I’ve found that connecting with this difficult part of the self is the most powerful and long-term way of transforming that pain into something better. Usually, in fact, it can become the most celebrated part of the self.

This practice started when I was 11 years old, dealing with intense menstrual cycle cramps (which I had at the very early age of 10). I was a part of a program for “gifted students,” and had learned a sort of self-hypnosis technique that was the seed of my guided imagery practice. It was called a “fantasy trip,” and included consciously relaxing each part of the body and then going into a beautiful fantasy world I made up with my imagination. When I started having cramps that felt beyond my ability to cope, I would do the fantasy trips, but sometimes found that this did not take me out of my pain. I didn’t realize it at the time, but the solutions I sought would be the foundation of the work I now so effectively do not only for myself but with countless others to help them.

I started going right into the pain and asking it what it needed. It would usually tell me, and then I could take care of it and feel better.

This practice became much more conscious and more refined as I got older and studied Buddhist Insight Meditation and other methods of visualization and pain management. It is a natural part of my personal practice, so much so that it is almost automatic for myself. And it is the foundation of what I do with my clients who have found emotional, mental, spiritual and physical relief from pain, suffering and all sorts of stress.

I have been blessed with good health and a body that does not frequently experience a lot of pain, and so I had not, for a while, been challenged to really test the limits of my ability to turn into pain that is really powerful . . . not for a very long time, that is. But recently, I was given the opportunity to test the whole practice of moving into pain.

I was riding my bicycle down a winding narrow road when I came upon an injured squirrel. I slowed down and wanted to possibly stop to see if I could help it. As I got closer, the squirrel was alarmed and bolted towards me, then in a panic bolted the other direction. In a few split seconds in response to all of this, I rode my bike to the very edge of the road (which was at the edge of a little drop off that went down into a drainage ditch about 15 feet down). WIthout any warning, the asphalt and dirt gave way under my tire and in a flash, I was headed down the steep slope with my bike.

As I tumbled, I could hear myself saying “Oh, this isn’t good,” but I relaxed and allowed myself to seek the softest solution for each contact with the ground. When I finally came to a stop, I chose to just lay there. Not try to jump up, which is very common for people in an accident. I laid there and just breathed. My first response was to just breathe and come into my breath. As I did this I felt a panic and throbbing in my left hand and my left knee where I’d taken the worst impact. I was out of my body and couldn’t really feel anything but a throb that was filled with fear and trauma. As I tried to figure out what to do, I realized that I needed to take my own advice and bring my full attention to my pain. For just a brief moment, the fear said “No way! That’s going to hurt! You may have broken your hand and badly injured your knee. This is too messed up to handle. Just distract yourself until someone comes to help you,” but I knew that I was probably the best help I could have, so I allowed my breath to carry my consciousness to the pain that was screaming for help. I started to feel my hand and then my knee and they were in acute pain. I kept an even and deep breath and just focused on the intense pain that was shouting at me from my body. I started to do Reiki, and gently held my left hand with my right hand, and just laid there and started to open up my heart and call in as much love as possible. I started to notice that the sun was shining and I could feel it on my face. I took a moment to remove my bike helmet (thank goodness for it!) and allowed myself to get as comfortable as possible. I then just continued to lay there, breathing into the pain and sending it as much love as possible. Adding to it, the sweet warmth of the sun. Then I noticed I could hear the birds singing and I took that into my breath and felt a sense of joy in my heart. I realized that, no matter what the reality was of my injuries, I was alive and able to appreciate the birds singing and the sun on my face and so I got a big smile on my face and sent that smile into the pain too.

I then realized that the poor squirrel was up there on the road suffering too, so I started to send some of my Reiki to it, and as I brought my consciousness outside of myself, I realized there was a man walking down the road towards me. I continued to just lay there and love myself as much as possible and he walked by, looked at me, smiled and continued on. He had no idea that I had just taken a nasty spill on my bike or that I was laying there, not because I wanted a nice little break half-way down the steep hill for a little sun-bathing, but because I was injured. I got an even bigger smile and reassured myself that if I appeared to be perfectly happy and natural laying there, then I was probably going to be alright.

I gave myself plenty of time to fully return all of my consciousness to my body. After a little while (time definitely dissolved into the experience) instead of the panicked, distant throbbing, I felt the very real pain of my injuries, which told me that I had fully re-entered my body and could move safely. Gently, slowly, and cautiously, I sat up and looked at my body. I looked at my hand, which was swollen. My left knee had a huge goose egg on it. I gently moved my fingers on my left hand. They were sore and stiff, but they moved without excruciating pain, so I knew I wasn’t going to need a doctor for that. I gently bent my knee and it seemed to be alright too. I continued the Reiki until it felt like time to get up and go home. I gingerly ambled up the steep slope. My bike had, luckily, stayed at the top of the road (only now it was upside down and somehow facing the opposite direction I was biking), so I picked it up, made sure it was rideable and then looked for the squirrel. He had run off the road and was hiding in a bush close by. I knew he was way to frightened for me to approach and offer help, so I said a prayer for his well-being and got on my bike and road home.

I did all the good things to assist my body. I put ice on my swollen parts, took an epsom salt bath, gave myself Rescue Remedy flower essences, and rest. I was really amazed to find that I could walk normally, without pain. My hand was quickly fully functional (well, lifting heavy things took a while), and the most amazing thing was that I had almost no bruising, and very little aches in the following days.

Now, in my days as a child welfare worker, I actually studied injuries and how they progress (for forensics evidence), and so I was certain I was going to have some SHINERS! But there wasn’t anything that was very visible without being pointed out. I did have some obvious road rash, but the injuries appeared to be incredibly mild; not at all in synch with the big hits my body took and the initial pain I was feeling. The craziest thing is that I bruise easily. I can have a deep dark indigo bruise that I don’t even remember because I just didn’t feel it happen. There is no logical reason why I was able to go dancing just 2 days later, do yoga (with postures that put me on my knees) and just go on as though nothing had happened. There’s no logical reason why I have almost no bruising almost a week after this accident. And yet, it’s true. I am almost completely healed from something I thought I might need to get help for.

I am so grateful I had this opportunity to test myself and really take this practice to a deep and undeniable place.

I know it seems absolutely counter-intuitive, but going into the pain and giving it as much love as possible, in my experience, has only ever brought powerful, and sometimes miraculous healing. Whether it’s physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual.

I’ve been incredibly blessed with the opportunity to live in the Bay Area and connect with some really amazing holistic/spiritually centered women’s entrepreneurial communities, such as The Goddess Collective (Montclair, CA), and FEMtalks (Berkeley, CA). These communities are really supporting women in nurturing their Divine Feminine nature AND embracing success as entrepreneurs, which has been so life altering for me! It’s helped me to let go of old paradigms about being successful, making an abundant living, AND offering my gifts to the world in a way that reflects my spirituality and deep sense of devotion and service. It’s also been incredibly inspiring to find myself continually surrounded by other amazing women who also want to serve in big ways, from the heart.

I have noticed an interesting practice that, I feel, can be a growing edge for us all to explore as entrepreneurial women. We are still frequently putting our main focus on financial success. Not only financial success, but fast financial success. THIS IS NOT A BAD THING! I do not want to suggest that making one’s way to a 6 figure income within a year of starting one’s business is wrong or anything but absolutely inspiring. I would ALSO like to suggest that there may be wisdom in looking deeper at the path to success and honor the many ways we measure it, and the many ways we get there.

Making it to 6 figures quickly feels like a very yang-based experience. Again, nothing at all wrong with it, but more masculine. I would LOVE to see us look more deeply at the DIFFERENT paths our successful women entrepreneurs are taking. I would LOVE to hear more about valuing the path of staying centered in loving self-care WHILE growing one’s business. I would LOVE to hear stories of women who chose to focus on joy while gaining more and more success in their work. It very well may be that these are the experiences of the women who shot quickly to success, but that isn’t at all mentioned, and I feel like the lack of acknowledgment is reinforcing a pressure or value in that more masculine push for quick success.

As I learn about how to grow my business, I have been moving at a pace that feels good to my heart, my body, and my soul. As I learn new techniques for writing “hot copy,” creating an irresistible “opt-in page,” and making well-received offers, it has felt really important to sit with all of these perspectives and feel into which ones are a genuine reflection of my work in the world. It has felt necessary, as a conscious emissary of the Divine Feminine in business, to really feel into how to use what I am learning in a way that is a genuine reflection of me.

The Dalia Lama said that the Western woman would be the one who helps us awaken our consciousness and it’s not just learning how to be successful and bringing our gifts out there. I think it is HOW we become successful. The path is all we have, and I would love to explore with my communities how we dance with success in a way that nourishes and supports us.

Here are some of the practices I am currently engaging in to help me stay centered in my Divine Feminine nature:
*Every piece of advice I receive about how to grow my business, I allow myself to sit with it. To feel how my body responds to it. If there is resistance, I ask if the resistance is based on a fear of success or if it is some wisdom that is arising. I allow myself to trust anything my heart and womb tell me, regardless of what someone else tells me I should do.
*I feel into the energy inside a new business practice and feel whether it is a match in frequency with what I am doing or not. (For example, one really great speaker suggested not to ever do anything you can pay someone else a minimum wage to do, BUT I feel so nourished and joyful making my own food. I also feel a deep connection with clearing my personal temple space and I could pay someone minimum wage for this, but it wouldn’t feel as nourishing or supportive as me giving myself the time to take care of myself in this way).
*I try to recognize that JOY is my continual goal and can be accessed NOW. Making a ridiculous amount of money doing what I love is a really great goal which I feel worthy of and hold as a goal, but it is absolutely secondary to the constant goal of joyfulness. If something feels heavy but will bring me money, I ask myself if it is really in service to my life’s path to say yes to it.
*I remind myself that making money is only one way of marking success. My health, my relationships, my sense of peace, spaciousness in my schedule and feeling centered are the most important elements of my life and if they are all reflecting abundance, then I feel I have succeeded. These are also the more feminine gifts to the world, and I feel it is incredibly important to continue to look at these parts of our lives and value them at least as much as we do making money. What is the money for, anyway?
*I try to notice what my motivations are behind making money: Am I trying to keep up with someone else’s success (comparison)? Do I base my self-worth in it? Am I tricking myself into thinking I’ll finally feel “worthy,” “valuable,” “acceptable” if I’m making a certain amount of money? Even something as subtle as thinking that once I make money all my problems will be solved can be a maze that can be difficult to find an exit from.

So, I wanted to share my 2 cents. I really believe that we have the power to manifest a new way of being in the world and while money is a wonderful, desirable tool, I would like to invite all of us to recognize its limitations and not let it overshadow the other elements of our lives that give us joy and make life worth living.

HOW DO YOU navigate success in a way that assures self-care and honoring all parts of your Divine Feminine nature?

I remember a long time ago, having a bunch of chaos going on in my life. My boyfriend at the time just had no ability to stay centered and hold space for me. After one particularly frustrating evening, I found myself driving home early after a big eruption. I didn’t want anything but to just relax and enjoy and he just couldn’t be there for me. So, there I was, diving home and I started feeling sorry for myself. It was an old self-pity story I’d run before. “Every time I need something, my partner just can’t/won’t show up for me! I’m always left taking care of myself!”  And, fortunately, right in the middle of that old programmed response, I caught myself. Thank goddess, I caught myself . . . I thought “Wait, I’m always left taking care of myself . . . I’M AWESOME AT THAT! I do a fantastic job of showing up! I know how to be compassionate, loving, supportive . . . I’m going home to take care of myself and that’s not a booby prize, that’s the freakin’ jackpot!”  So, when I got home, I acted like I was my ultimate boyfriend. I lovingly drew a bath for myself, put in some nice epsom salts, lavender oil, lit candles, turned on some music, and that started a whole new concept for me. I started spending time imagining, “If I was a man who was in relationship with me, how would I want me to show up?” I started recognizing that I had a lot of great things to offer, and I started offering them . . . to me. It was so nice! I quit expecting it from my boyfriend (very soon after he was my ex-boyfriend), and quit putting all my unrequited and unappreciated acts of generosity outside of myself and started offering it with great enthusiasm to myself. It has continued to nourish me through break-ups and other hard times. It has also helped me to, much more easily, detect when a potential partner just doesn’t/can’t show up the way I want. Then I get to make a decision of whether that is important or not. If it’s important, I can ask for it, and if I don’t receive it, I know I can offer it to myself. I can also make a much more empowered decision about who I enter into a committed relationship with. It certainly isn’t based on unspoken expectations or co-dependent needs anymore.   Being my own best lover has liberated me from needy relationships, but most of all, it’s given me a new best friend . . . ME.  During this month of LOVE, I encourage you, whether you’re in a relationship or not, to start giving yourself time and space to court yourself. Imagine your ideal and then make your dreams come true! You might learn some really amazing things about yourself. And then, when those yummy gestures show up from someone else, you’ll be even more appreciative. Happy Valentine’s Day! May you be surrounded by LOVE!