If you are a human being, there is no way you are unfamiliar with the intense pains that jealousy can bring up.
Today I’m going to offer some insight and tips for breaking out of the jailhouse of jealousy once and for all.
First of all, I think it’s important to recognize that even though jealousy is toxic and terribly painful, it is still a common human experience, so go easy on yourself. Don’t add to the pain by judging yourself.
AND, if your jealousy is from a polyamorous or open relationship (which is very common here in the Bay Area, California), the whole jealousy thing can make us feel unevolved. Don’t put that kind of pressure on yourself. Being in a more open relationship does not mean you no longer have the right to feel jealousy or that there is something less developed.
So, how do we break out?
First of all, if you know there is a circumstance coming up that is likely to bring up those feelings, do some planning ahead of time. (eg: Going to the wedding where you’ll see cousin Stephanie who always seems to have everything you don’t or your polyamorous lover is going out with someone else) – Set up a date for yourself with someone who can support you through the feelings. A phone call to a friend, or schedule one-on-one time with someone you love and trust, or at the very least, set aside time to do something for yourself that is really awesome.
The 2 biggest elements of jealousy are:
1: Feeling abandoned, forgotten, rejected by someone we love (also “not good enough,” gets triggered here).
2: Feeling sorry for ourself that someone else is experiencing something great that we are not.
So, the only way to combat those two elements are:
1: Be the one who takes care of that part that feels left behind or inconsequential. Offer love, compassion, kindness, softness and your undivided presence to the part of you that is feeling triggered.
In that first hit of jealousy, try to take a moment to ask yourself what is feeling threatened. Go right to the physical place in your body that is holding on to the pain and breathe into it. Let it soften and open with your breath and some movement. Now, listen to the voice inside. Is it feeling insecure? Forgotten? Unloved? Abandoned? If YOU are taking care of this part of you, it is less likely that you will get caught up in the pain of thinking someone else is not taking care of you.
2: Replace the feeling sorry for yourself with brainstorming what YOU can be doing right in that moment that feels really good. (If you can plan ahead for it, that’s even better). It doesn’t need to be a tit for tat (she gets to go to the beach, so I’m going too), but making sure you are doing what is good for you and nourishing to your soul is important.
For me, it isn’t even about doing something fun and distracting. It is important for me to really look at myself and my circumstances and ask: Am I doing what feels best for me in this moment? Even if it is the laundry, if the answer is “yes,” then I can trust that I am serving my highest good. There will be times I’m having a blast on the beach with someone amazing while someone else has to stay home and clean the house.
Fortunately, I don’t get jealous very often, especially since I’ve found these SuperPower Tools to help me. But there was a time when I was actively polyamorous and my primary partner and I both got hit with jealousy regularly. Fortunately, we were both really great at talking, and it was because of this trying time that I learned what I’m now sharing with you.
One day he was going off to spend time with a really awesome woman and I felt the pang. I realized it was mostly because I was imagining them having a really fun time and I was NOT having fun. So, I decided to make my day fun. I had work that needed to be done, but instead of going about it with a sense of drudgery, I paid attention to why I was doing it. To help others, to further my career, and because the work I do is important to me and ultimately is more important than a fun day out playing. I didn’t end up ditching my work for a day of play, and what I was doing felt more meaningful and instead of being tormented and distracted by thinking about what they were doing, I felt a greater sense of value in what I was doing. It was that experience that helped me to develop these SuperPower Tools for dealing with Jailousy.
What it ultimately comes down to is: Do you believe in what you are doing? Do you have confidence that each action you take is in service to your highest good? If not, focus on changing it rather than worrying about what someone else is doing. It never matters what someone else has, or is or does. If we make our decisions based on other people’s experiences rather than what serves our path, we’ll never manifest our own authentic and joy-filled life.
See if these tips and practices help, and if you still need to reach out, don’t get down on yourself. Jealousy is a tough one to conquer. I’m always available for support through the tough times, and if you’re willing to ask for help, there is probably someone you know who can be your jeal break buddy. Take turns being there for each other.
Oh, and . . .
Here’s a GREAT way to feel more sovereign and sure of yourself and your Divine Purpose. Come to our LIVE EVENT Sunday, June 15th in the East Oakland Hills (The Center for Living Wisdom). Goddess Diana Shamanic Nature Oracle and Channeled Teachings GET YOUR TICKET HERE NOW. I’ll be co-teaching with two amazing sisters: Kaia Ra and Katherine Glasa. MORE INFO HERE.
Until next week, may strength and the Source be with you.
x & o & <3