I’m sorry. I want to do better. Please read.
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I want to acknowledge that I haven't really been pouring the kind of deliciousness and value into this place that I have wanted.
You deserve better, and I am going to make a commitment to you right now to start offering more of me to you.
It has been exactly forever since I had the time, bandwidth and clarity to sit down and offer something deep and from the heart here.
I’ve done my best to post things on Facebook and Instagram, and at some point, the immensely fast pace at which my life has been moving has made it seem not only impossible, but even pointless to try to summarize or put a pin in somewhere. So many poignant moments, lessons, insights and valuable pearls I've wanted and tried to share, but the pace of personal growth has been faster than the speed of a Facebook live-stream.
For those of you who have not been able to follow along through the random and inconsistent posts I’ve provided here and there, this is my last year in a nutshell.
I went into the Amazon for my sixth time, feeling a completion with the tribe and land I have grown to love and call family and home for the past three years.
I met my twin flame, quite unexpectedly as I was engaged at the time to someone else. We were in Hungary at a psychedelic festival I was teaching at. After four short, yet transformational days, I knew there was something cosmic and life-changing from our connection. My heart and mind had confusing thoughts, worries and stories about how to navigate this potent heart-opening connection while being engaged to someone else.
I decided to let LOVE take the lead.
To show me the way to navigate this potent, magical and potentially ass-kicking experience, and LOVE has guided me into a loving and peaceful completion of my engagement with Michael, through many initiations with my twin flame beloved, Gerwin, that have taken us both into dark and hard places, clearing out space for new light, new love, new possibilities.
I lost my home, where I had built a thriving and sustainable business as a priestess and medicine woman. I lost my sustainability. Most of my reality was, in a matter of just a couple of months, shaken, threatened, destroyed, irreversibly altered, and reformed. I actually lost count of the profound losses and challenges because they were coming so quickly. I hit many edges where I said “I just can’t take another hit,” and three more would come, and I realized that I could, actually, take it, and in fact, I needed it all.
My core wounding was triggered to the point of completely questioning and even fully letting go of everything I was attached to and reliant upon – relationships, income, my privileges, my titles, my entitlements, my identifications, everything that meant something, I surrendered it all to Source, and, with the immense loving kindness and support from my beloved, my family, my friends, was shown what is truly mine and what my Noble Purpose is. When it is written into the sacred codes of your DNA, you can’t put it down. It IS you. But I hit that place of despair and hopelessness that is necessary to be reborn and to truly see and value the immense gift of life in its utmost simplicity and without distracting bells and whistles.
I remembered my prayer . . . to trust that Love was taking the lead on my life and that all was in sacred motion to bring me to higher ground.
I manifested, in a deeply sacred and profound way, the most amazing new medicine temple home, with my beloved, Gerwin. It was an answer to a potent prayer we made together that showed up within a few weeks. I was about to start putting my stuff in storage and make a plan for my exit from the Bay Area, but this home showed up magically, and has taken us in and is showing me that many visions, dreams, and hopes that I have been collecting in journals and in the corners of my heart over the past few years, are all about to become manifest. I have literally dreamt of being here and the magic I am being called to offer to the world on a deeper level than I have given myself permission to experience.
The container of this place: sacred, safety, beauty, magic, renewal, solidity, serenity, groundedness, healing . . . HOME.
I am not done with the transformation, but I do see the undeniable light at the end of the tunnel. {THANK ALL THAT IS GOOD!}
Once again, Spirit has shown me that this practice, Subconscious Success Repatterning, and the manifestation magic from my spirit ally, Spider Grandmother, turns chaos and loss into a powerful upgrade. Truly greeting the loss of everything we hold dear with a trusting, loving welcome and the curiosity to ask “How is this serving my Noble Purpose?” reveals that everything truly is a gift, IF we’re willing to trust and allow it to unfold itself before us.
My greatest superpower, and it’s quite a good one in my own humble opinion, is to turn the hard edges, chaotic break-downs, and unexpected tragedies into priceless upgrades we couldn’t have achieved otherwise.
I will continue to share more of the juiciness of my forward momentum with you here, but I will be sharing more deeply, and much more intimately, about this journey (the past year’s epic tale, and that which is unfolding in real time now) in a slightly more private place. I believe in complete transparency, AND I also VALUE my intimate and vulnerable experiences and only want to share them with my family, friends, and community who also respect and value the preciousness of what I am offering up.
For that reason, I am asking for a very small donation to get the inside scoop about the high magic, an intimate look at the hard shadows, and up close and personal access to the insights, tools, practices and wisdom that have allowed me to turn tragedy, trauma, anxiety, scarcity, disease, and destruction into the most abundant, loving, magical reality I could have imagined or prayed in for myself. It is truly priceless, but I want to make it available to everyone who feels called to join me on my journey.
I am offering up these deep behind-the-curtain transmissions :: HERE :: and I hope you can come along with me on the journey. I've created really affordable, income-based options so that it is easily accessible to everyone.
I know there are many of you who have wanted to work with me one-on-one and have not had the resources to do so. This is the BEST way to get a personal connection with me for less than a couple of cups of fancy coffee each month, and my best guess is that you’ll find some inspirations that will help guide you out of your scarcity patterns, and into abundance. {So, now you see my selfish agenda . . . to help you to thrive so you can invest more fully in your own personal growth, and come and join me for my LIVE and private offerings.}
We are building a community of safe, loving family who value diversity, healing, loving kindness and creating spaces that feel like home. If you value this, too, and want to make a commitment to weave your Noble Purpose and your prayer in with ours, please join us :: HERE :: for free, and for a deeper, more intimate look into our vulnerable, dark, and deeply sacred experiences, please join us :: HERE ::
Things to look for on our income-based membership site:
- "Sexual Bliss Through Good Housekeeping: Pleasure Rituals for Better Living" - regular installments
- Free online courses
- Intimate diary entries
- Pillowcasts: intimate, behind-the-curtains conversations between Amanda & Gerwin
This is our journey with love. I can’t wait to connect with you on the path!