Minding My Own Business
I know this is a very edgy thing to say . . .
Other people’s feelings about me are not my business. What other people think about me is not my business.
Personally, I am on a quest to offer the gift of healing by doing my own processing of my feelings, even when others trigger me, without blaming them. No one makes me feel a certain way. I feel the way I feel, mostly based on past wounding. I can transform those feelings by being present with them, taking care of them, and then allowing myself to move on.
What I make up about the world around me is either ruled by my past, or by my choice to metabolize my feelings, seek compassion (for myself and others), and look for the elevation (out beyond the field of right and wrong).
That doesn’t mean denying my feelings, in fact, I go deeeeep into them. I just don’t blame others for how I feel.
I think that the most valuable gift we can give others is choosing not to fall deep into our wounds. It’s one thing to see someone’s behavior and say “I have a boundary and am not available for that way of engaging,” or be curious “Why did you choose to do this?” But being attached to my hard feelings based on what I have made up about someone else’s intentions just doesn’t feel good to me. It is a way of rewarding and perpetuating stuck, wounded patterns.
I know this is not popular. Those who are the most hurt get the attention, but I think this conditions us to exaggerate our pain to be seen (and pitied) instead of doing the hard work of healing and cleaning up our inner landscape so that we can show up with love, and true bandwidth for those who are in need and not stuck in blaming others, but simply in need of a strong shoulder to cry on.
I can’t count the number of folks, therapists and even shamanic healers included, who have reflected to me the immense capacity I have to hold space, and this is where it comes from. Doing my inner work every time I’m triggered instead of blaming outside of myself.
Those who are close to me know that with my Anam Cara, my soul family, I hold a high standard of recognizing the love and seeking the compassionate understanding over blame and emotional shit flinging. I’m not available for that amongst my intimate relationships.
I know this flies in the face of a lot of healing approaches, but I’ve been applying this “Elevationship” approach with my couples and they have been finding deep and swift healing when years with a couples counselor or expensive retreats have failed them.
“ Love it love it love it I have specifically had triggers this year that are unique. Your approach goes hand-in-hand with other things that I have been reading that all align. Every couple should read this book, and take notes, and recognize examples where they have got into the same old reruns. And discuss how to better handle them in advance, so when the triggers do come, they are equipped with the right tools. And truly, this helps in all types of relationships ” ~Ashley, Physical Therapist
Interested in learning more? You can get a free copy of Elevationship. It includes a valuable Personal Trigger Breakthrough Guide.
FREE ECOPY: https://eloesh.com
Free AUDIBLE COPY (in exchange for a review on Audible) - DM ME amandaeloesh @ gmail . com for a personal 1 time code.
And, if you want to explore getting personal support in turning your relationship conflicts into greater intimacy, here's a link to schedule a free call:
Transformation is just around the corner, and you don’t need to play the pity card to be seen, heard, held and healed.