How Your Low Self-Worth is Making You Come Off as an Ingrate

First off, I'll say that I'm facing this one myself, so I'm speaking from personal experience as the arrogant ingrate. And I see it all around me. It's heartbreaking that this painful trauma program can create such a paradoxical reality, and so I thought I would break it down a bit. Maybe you'll see yourself on the giving or receiving end and have more compassion (for yourself or someone else).
So just recently, I was with someone I care about quite a bit. We're getting to know each other better and he said some things that were profoundly touching. They were expressions that let me know he wants to step in with me on a deep level. Like, if I were to write a really fantastic romance novel scene, this would be in it.
What I felt was "Oh my god, I can't believe I'm hearing these words. It's breaking my heart open. It is touching me in places that hurt because they have been so in the dark and now here's this bright light shining and it's almost too much to take in. I can't believe I am lucky enough to have this kind of presence and enthusiastic participation from someone I care about this much, but who is so new in my life."
What I said was "That's really beautiful. Thank you."
And honestly, that response is the result of me working on my self-worth story for many years.
Of course, as I let it all settle and I really let myself feel the potency of what had been offered to me, I realized my response was paltry at best. I later followed up with the deeper experience and it was well received, but it could have been so much more potent if, in the moment, I was able to stop, really take it all in, and acknowledge it right there on the spot.
What's scary is that it would have been so easy for me to deflect it altogether and not even let myself see the profound gift that had been offered to me, because yes, indeed, it was painful. It went right in to that tender self-worth wound and opened it right up.
I know there have been times when someone has offered me a compliment or some other gift of the heart that I didn't feel worthy of, so I diminished it, ignored it, or in some other way couldn't let it mean what it actually meant, and I not only deprived myself of receiving that beautiful heart offering, I sent a signal to the giver that what they offered wasn't worthy of mention or wasn't good enough . . . see the paradox?
My own lack of self-worth can actually create a message for someone else that they aren't good enough.
And then over time, those people learn not to offer those vulnerable and valuable heart shares because they don't have a safe place to land and then the lack of acknowledgment now feeds my low self-worth wound.
Fortunately, I didn't ignore it, and was able to go back and deepen my response, but like I said, that's from years of working on this.
I see friends and clients inflicting this same scenario upon themselves and their loved ones constantly. I see it all around me.
When we don't receive the loving offering in front of us, we create suffering for ourselves and others.
I hope this is helpful. If you'd like to unpack your self-worth wounding even further so that you can start to let more of the love in and stop signaling to others that they (and you) are not worthy of the love, I can help you with that.
Here's a link to fill out an assessment and schedule some no-cost time to talk with me about where you're stuck, where you'd like to be, and whether I can support you getting out of the story and into more love.
May you let yourself feel the pain and let the love in anyway.