Here I am on the Sacred Feminine 13th Freya-Day under a Super New Scorpio Moon and Scorpio Sun. With my moon in Scorpio and my body in a cocoon. My soul so grateful for deeply knowing and loving myself, even as my hardest places arise, I can fully feel them, welcome them into my heart, and find a place of loving kindness within.

 

SO many wounds coming up to be healed. So many places that were projected upon that were harmful. And I have let them take precedence over the majesty and sacredness of my own sense of myself.

 

What a blessing when I finally allowed myself to see this for the first time. I have had to come back to it many times. So many opportunities to get lost in the hard reflections of others. What a blessing to have been on this journey, somehow innately knowing that inside of myself there is gold that I can rely on.

 

Almost lost in the projections and conditioning.

I’m not sure if there is anything more painful that I have experienced in my life than secretive judgments of beloveds. Especially lovers who literally put themselves inside of me. Shadowy judgments and projections that have lodged themselves into my empathic psychic body and then my physical body, and then become the fodder for future beloveds to judge and then it starts all over again.

As a human built to be the sacred feminine chalice, the receiver of the sacred masculine, I am not sure there is anything more painful than allowing that deep intimacy and being given such sharp and poisonous sacrament hidden inside of and tangled up with love.

Of course it was almost always with consent. And it was conditioned to please. It was conditioned to receive. It was conditioned to be like Jesus. Compassionate and forgiving. And completely without any wisdom about how to HONOR it in the sacred feminine way. Only instructions: JUST DON’T. Your body. Your pleasure. They aren’t yours to enjoy. You are here to serve.

[And let me just assure you as you, start to interject here that there was conditioning of the sacred masculine as well.

I KNOW.

I know we are all waking up together (HOPEFULLY). It is my fucking compassion and understanding that has made it such a slippery slope to find my actual edges and boundaries and say, “Um, I’m actually not Jesus and I am at my capacity for tolerating any more of your wounding at this personal level. I am not your healer. I am not your servant.

I am a GOT THIS, but not for you. I am a GOT THIS for the Holy and my Self.”]

There have been so many excruciating layers, generational and beyond, personal and impersonal, simply from being a woman with so many sisters with the same wounds. So many to heal.

I started it as a victim. I am not interested in that narrative for myself. I am owning my sovereignty. As a Sovereigness. I take full accountability for each and every one of my decisions. They have become more and more conscious with each breath. I have no regrets.

And it feels important to name the full cycle and full circle of this healing.

So as I step into my Sovereigness, I am weaving in this sacred 13th Goddess, Got This day being able to feel the full honoring potency of the wounds that have shaped me. I embrace them. They embrace me.

I am awakening within me the Virgin. Not the virgin of the Western world, but the true Virgin, who is sovereign in her body and in her sexuality. She is free from the projections, the “should’s,” and the judgments of others about her choices. I am reclaiming my inalienable ownership of this sacred vessel. I take it back from the crumbling power of judgment.

I claim the remembrance of how to detect the presence of poison before it enters my body.

I forgive myself for the uninformed conscious, sacred choices I have made in the past based in loving kindness, trust, and true innocence.

It is such a precious thing, innocence. I reclaim it for myself. No one has permission to take that from me or anyone else in my world.

Wow. What a potent birthing of myself through words. So powerful. So helpful.

Thank you, sacred Self and Everything that is Greater than me that Wishes me Well, for helping me to have this profound birthing. Still unfurling. But already so helpful and life-giving.

I forgive myself for giving myself away, thinking I had to trade it for survival. I forgive myself for letting the ignorant judgments of others who create and feed into the wounding that they judge, override my own sense of self-worth.

I know they are only doing what they’ve been programmed to do. I claim my sovereignty in my choices.

I claim and take back my power. I reclaim myself through time and space. All of me belongs to me. None of it is shameful. All of it is sacred.

Whatever piece of me, my body, my time, my money, my attention that is offered is only to that which receives it with respect. Whatever I receive from outside of myself, I commit to receive with respect.

I’m so immensely grateful for this prayer. It has swirled through in many ways, so many times, but today, in the sacred feminine cocoon of the frequency and tone of “Got This,” it lands into English words that I can feel inside of me as I speak, even just as I type it and watch it flow from my fingers onto a digital screen, it is magic. This is the spell I cast for myself and everyone else who cares to join me.

My mission in this lifetime is to help as many people as possible to access their inalienable sovereignty. I’m glad to know that my primary client is myself.

What an immense moment. What a precious moment.

Thank you, sacred witnesses for sharing this sacred moment of birthing myself.

Mitakuye Oyasin

 

So, yah, just another day along the 2020 path of transformation.