Someone asked me, recently, in an interview “What is the biggest mistake you see people making when it comes to their relationships (romantic or otherwise)?”
The biggest mistake applies to pretty much ANY circumstance . . . Believing your thoughts and narratives made up while in the middle of being triggered, stressed, annoyed, traumatized, etc.
It is an absolute fact that when we are in any form of shock, whether it’s just a low grade stress response or all out PTSD levels, we shut down.
Our vision is literally diminished, as well as our hearing, and most key, our mental operations.
In addition, old traumas pop up to play out old strategies of survival, which then influences how we put that limited perception together.
Our mind and subconscious collude to pretend they know what’s happening so they can figure out a strategy, based on past wounding, to predict the future and then avoid it.
See the problem? Einstein said “You cannot simultaneously prepare for and prevent war.”
Once we believe the thoughts we’re making up about what’s happening and try to prepare for and prevent war/conflict/disaster, what we end up doing, unbeknownst to us, is making sure the worst happens.
So, with all of these odds stacked against us, what can we do?
The above sentence is a clue and I wrote about it last week. Asking a helpful question breaks old, stuck thought patterns.
It’s easier to think of those helpful questions AND implement them when we are feeling resourced, so the very first thing you should do when you’re stressed, triggered, losing your shit is to give yourself permission to prioritize resourcing yourself.
Release that stress from your body first, ask the helpful questions later.
It’s a bit easier said than done, but with practice, you’ll have new approaches that allow for actual growth instead of repeat loops of destruction.
Want to learn more? Use this link to schedule some valuable (yet free) time to talk with me to explore how to break free from this painful pattern.
https://amandaeloesh.as.me/sovereignty
AND . . . explore more about elevating your relationships through the Elevationship approach, including getting a FREE ecopy of Elevationship: Replace Conflict with Greater Intimacy with guides for breaking through triggers and emergency couples communications.
“ Love it love it love it I have specifically had triggers this year that are unique. Your approach goes hand-in-hand with other things that I have been reading that all align. Every couple should read this book, and take notes, and recognize examples where they have got into the same old reruns. And discuss how to better handle them in advance, so when the triggers do come, they are equipped with the right tools. And truly, this helps in all types of relationships ” ~Ashley, Physical Therapist
That time I brought a didj to a drum circle
That time I brought a didgeridoo to a drum circle . . .
How helpful is your intuition? Does it lead you to consistent moments of unimaginable magic, or does it leave you “showing up to a gunfight with a knife?”
It was 2004, and I was at the Earthdance festival in Northern California. Like most of my festival experiences, I go into timelessness and have a hard time tracking schedules. I let myself go on full intuitive automatic and this year was no exception.
While I had quite a few friends, I had gone alone, and one particular morning, after meditation, felt inspired to wear all white and head out with my 10 pound glass, rainbow swirl didgeridoo I affectionately call the Rainbow Serpent. I wandered for a bit, taking in the beauty of the elemental shrine and the movement of the 5000 others in attendance.
I let my intuition guide me to the huge white dome where the Grandmother drum, which is seven feet in diameter and weighs 200 pounds, was kept. I had enjoyed the altering vibrations of this sacred heart beat, and thought I might add in some droning with my beautiful “Rainbow Serpent” didj, which was made for me by an incredible glass artist, Matt Welsh.
So I made my way, with my beautiful glass rainbow didgeridoo, but as I approached the dome, I saw that something was happening. A few priestess sisters who were a part of tending to the Grandmother Drum were also dressed in white and as I approached them, they looked at me and said “Perfect! You should come with us!” “Where?” I asked, and they said “To the drum circle!” Oh ya! Drum circle! But I had a didgeridoo, not a drum. Oh well. I trusted it would all work out.
That year, every attendee was loaned a drum and invited to be a part of Grateful Dead drummer, Mickey Hart’s world record drum circle. I had honestly forgotten about it and had not remembered to even get my drum. But it was too late to get one now, and I honestly didn’t have any ability to do anything other than wield my large and heavy glass didgeridoo.
All of the carriers and attendants for the Grandmother Drum were in white and I was invited to take the lead and blow my didj while the mammoth drum was ceremonially carried and played to the area where Mickey Hart would soon set his world record.
We slowly and mindfully made our way to the center of the crowd of over 3000, and I was told to stand next to a man I had never met before. He looked at me, looked at my didgeridoo and also said “Perfect!” I trusted that being the only person in this gathering without a drum was indeed perfect, but had no real clue why.
Within a few moments, someone was quieting the crowd and introducing Wavy Gravy to speak (someone I had never heard of before). I was a bit stunned when the man I had just connected with to my left started to speak to the crowd.
He talked about Mickey Hart, and the importance of community. He shared the mythology of the Rainbow Serpent, which is the giver of life. I realized that there was a huge rainbow serpent sand sculpture at our feet that had been beautifully created in a huge circle all around the Grandmother Drum, and I was at the head there with Wavy.
He announced that we were going to have a moment of silence and then there would be an offering to the Rainbow Serpent, and then Mickey Hart would lead us all to beat our drums as one, with our hearts, to send peace out to the Earth. When Wavy was done speaking, he looked over at me and without words let me know that was my cue. I wasn't expecting what came next, but knew instantly what I needed to do.
I placed the end of my didgeridoo at the head of the serpent and prayed that what would come out would be beautiful (I am pretty good at making some pretty realistic fart sounds a good percent of the time I start to play).
I raised the glass Rainbow Serpent to my mouth and trusted this was fully aligned and as I breathed from my heart, a beautiful hum came through and I played for a few moments and then Mickey started the drum circle, and all of us who were at the center in white (Wavy was in Rainbow colors) got to dance on the sand sculpture of this beautiful Rainbow Serpent, and return her to the Earth as an offering. I didg’d and danced and was in complete awe at the complete perfection at how it all unfolded.
When I woke up that morning, I had no idea that I would find myself playing a significant role in such a profound experience with such incredibly beautiful and influential folks.
I let my intuition guide me, and it led me to an experience I couldn’t have ever hoped for, let alone planned out.
When we are truly open and make ourselves available to be clear channels, we are capable of so much more than our limited minds could ever piece together.
When we are truly open and let the power of intuition guide us, we can find ourselves welcome and embraced, even when we bring a didgeridoo to a drum circle.
If you would like to deepen your connection with your intuition and strengthen your intuitive senses, let's talk! We have a free, no obligation discovery call to explore where you're stuck and ways to access more of your own intuitive power.
Schedule a call now:
https://amandaeloesh.as.me/sovereignty
And, check out the other resources and information created to support you in accessing more of you, and elevating your life: https://eloesh.com
Let’s take a little journey into the multiverse together . . .
Imagine your body as a semi-dense swirl of microscopic stars that are vibrating as the sum total of your mental, emotional, and “physical” frequencies combined along with your karmas, your spiritual energy, and every other layer of you that exists in relationship to the “you” your conscious self perceives.
It is loosely configured into the shape of your physical body, but again, is simply a conglomeration of pulsing radiant particles.
Now, imagine all of the space between those particles. While it exists inside the general shape of “your body,” that space is available to be filled with the sacred motion through the cosmos we are experiencing as we move through space in the form of rotations of the Earth, the expansion of the Universe, and the general movement of our solar system through the vast space of the known and unknown . . . the multiverse.
Continue to connect with this self, full of microscopic stars dancing about, and all of the limitless layers of energy that make up the multiverse and all of the infinite possibilities and timelines that are moving through the empty space in between those dancing stars.
And imagine that the frequency of “you,” that sum total of your mental, emotional, and “physical,” as well as spiritual, karmic, auric . . . layers are, in each moment, creating a shared resonance that choice-by-choice manifests your reality. Each choice being a timeline that is resonating with the frequencies you are cultivating within yourself based on what you think, feel, speak, eat, move, etc . . .
So, what's your reality?
If this was your reality, how would it impact the words you spoke? Would you be more willing to do what it takes to release negative thoughts and feelings? How would it influence your decisions and behaviors? I really want to know! Send me a message . . . https://eloesh.com/contact/
This was my vision at my altar recently. Not a particularly new concept, but shown to me in this new way that has been profoundly deep and it’s helping me to be more mindful of each word, tone, thought, decision, and movement I make.
What timelines am I allowing to show up and play out based on the frequencies I cultivate for myself?
I can almost feel the quantum fields flowing through me as I write these words now. Simply tuning into it takes me to the place that a DMT journey might.
What’s your perception of the multiverse and its impact on you, and yours on it?
Are you curious about connecting with your own multidimensional self and cleaning up old limited or toxic energies? Let's talk about where you're at and what's possible for you (free and no obligation call):
I didn't realize I had been raised in a cult, and even now, using that word seems a bit exaggerated, and yet every single mind control practice known was and is used by the religious organization I left when I was 19 years old, called the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, aka the Mormons or LDS for short.
I had questions from the age of seven, starting with why black men had not been allowed to hold the priesthood, which only grew as I got older, but there were still some things that crept in through the cracks and limited my thinking and my perceptions of myself like the fact that women weren't allowed the power of the priesthood at all.
My questions were met with shock and a bit of projected shame that in some ways made me feel like I just was odd and didn't fit in. I was constantly told I just needed to have faith, but I did actually have faith, I also had questions that just didn't ever add up based on my direct experiences of communing with the Holy. It has a frequency that is undeniable, and the explanations and suggestions from the church leaders didn't feel compelling.
I know that being a channel and having direct experiences of communion with the ineffable helped me to stay connected with a certain part of myself, and yet I suffered from incredibly low self-esteem that led to suicidal thoughts and even attempts starting at the age of ten.
At the age of 19, after promising my mom I would read all of the Mormon scriptures and truly pray about whether it is true or not, I found even more questions about what was said that was contradictory, what was practiced that seemed hypocritical, and again, the only admonition was to "just have faith," which, I did, but it wasn't in the Mormom church. My faith was in my own inner wisdom, so I left.
I have known all of my life that I am here to help people, and I have known all of my life that I've wanted the spiritual access that is available to me to be available to others because I have seen that when we can access our own inner truth, and make choices based on our authentic desires and values, free from manipulation, the diversity and freedom will bring about joy, creative innovation, and a thriving future for all life that is found in the most beautiful and healthy ecosystems.
As I have used my gifts and pursued an academic career as well as a spiritual path of deep initiations, I've been able to do some very deep deprogramming of myself and others. Even at 52 years old, I'm still releasing old blocks to my voice. It truly is a lifelong pursuit.
I have studied cults to get a better understanding of my own experience and to go over my own leadership and dogma-free church with a fine-tooth comb to make sure that what we are providing is truly liberating. Early on, Source wisdom sparked in me the value and guiding principle of focusing on doing my own work and offering what I can instead of seeking the trappings of success that seem stronger and stronger as Instagram and other social media platforms keep us looking at less and less authentic images of feathered and sacred geometry bejeweled influencers.
In my studies, I've found that many of the mind control tactics used by cults and high control organizations are found not only in many religious organizations, but schools, multi-level marketing organizations, governmental agencies, and within many families.
Once it's been buried into the psyche as a way of being, it's hard to get it out, and it becomes a system of operation that replicates itself into how we do everything. Even if you KNOW WHAT THE SIGNS ARE, it is really difficult to turn the mirror on yourself - that's the insidious control that cults exercise.
If you are part of a community (from family to business to religion to self-help/lifestyle group) where you feel like who you naturally are needs to be hidden, denied, annihilated, or even watered down to be accepted, then there are mind control influences at play. They may not be intentional - as I said, once we've been programmed, we will likely create from that system of thinking no matter how hard we try not to.
There are loads of helpful resources, books, articles out there to help you understand cults better, and I encourage you to do a really thorough self inventory from your nuclear family to your friendships and all the way through your work and other associations. It is very much a virus that has made its way into most of our lives.
Here are 10 signs to look for:
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- Expectations to just believe without any observable results
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- Any use of shame or guilt to motivate behavior
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- Punishments for feeling or believing differently
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- Pressure to defer your own inner wisdom to leaders
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- Pressure to put yourself in a compromising or harmful situation to serve the organization
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- Going from love-bombing to treating members as "less than"
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- Creating environments that deprive and overwork the body, mind, and spirit over prolonged periods of time, especially followed by pressure to make commitments (donations, service, etc)
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- Circular logic that never allows for clear answers
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- Lack of transparency from leaders about finances, education, etc.
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- Teaching that you need someone else to show you the way vs. encouraging you to build your confidence and be accountable for your own behavior and decisions (AND holding EVERYONE to that standard)
And if you do find that you are unable to express yourself authentically, and are held back by shame or other fears from mind control practices from religion or simply an authoritarian caretaker, reach out. We are familiar with the fears, pains, and challenges of leaving a high control religious group / cult.
We have attracted quite a few folks who were able to break free from cults and found Living Wisdom ceremonies to be a safe space to discover and honor their own values and inner wisdom and get some deep healing to the religious trauma they endured.
This can show up incredibly painfully in romantic relationships, and if you suspect it's having an impact on your marriage / partnership, please make sure to claim a free discovery call to explore your challenges and goals with us today: https://eloesh.com
When you come to a ceremony with us, you are encouraged to follow your own inner guidance. Even in our medicine ceremonies, you are welcomed to ingest as much or as little (even nothing at all) as you want, and to simply use our preparation and integration practices as an inspiration for your own journey.
Our preparation is extensive and publicly available. We have hosted atheists, Christians, Buddhists, Pagans, and agnostics. We've hosted folks from all walks of life from all over the world. One of the most common things we hear is "I feel at home here."
We know that belonging is one of the greatest human needs, and one of the greatest human wounds. We know this wounding has been used to take advantage of folks who simply want to be a part of something greater than themselves and to be loved. At Living Wisdom, we are in service to create the safe and sacred spaces for our diverse community to learn, heal, and grow together, and we pray to continue to do that for many years to come.
You're invited to get on our mailing list (and get a valuable guide for working masterfully with Entheogens / plant medicine / psychedelics): https://LivingWisdomChurch.org . You'll get updates about our monthly gatherings: Vegetarian Potlucks, Cacao + Sonic Medicine Sound Healing, and our day-long plant medicine ceremonies with Huachuma (aka San Pedro / mescaline) and Acacia and Syrian Rue (Ayahuasca analogue / DMT).
We're passionate about providing extensive and valuable preparation and integration support so your spiritual journey (with or without Entheogens) is safe and in service to your unique gifts, wounds, and values.
Schedule some time now for this no-obligation exploration. https://amandaeloesh.as.me/sovereignty
Your feelings are a real and valid gauge that tells you what’s going on in your system. You can rely on them to give you honest feedback about your internal systems and responses to external stimuli.
What you TELL yourself about your feelings . . . that’s another story. What you tell yourself about other people who catalyze certain feelings . . . that, too, is another story. And I do mean story.
We have old conditioning and programs that are wrapped around emotional responses. We have old stories that are tied to old traumas that we try to forecast so we can avoid them in the future, but those programs and forecasts end up being the exact thing that perpetuates them.
If you can unwrap the the stories, what’s underneath is really helpful energy that tells you when you’re overwhelmed, when you need to speak up, when you need a break, when you need a hug . . .
Clean and clear requests that others can take in and respond to positively come from being able to peel back the stories and really listen to what’s underneath. Usually it’s something vulnerable that would rather defend, get angry, blame, attack, or blanket itself in a victim story.
Your feelings are real. Your stories when you are having hard feelings are programs that keep you from knowing what you need and keep you from making those clean, clear and effective requests.
If you can release judging yourself and others, blaming yourself and others and simply get curious about what you’re feeling, give yourself permission to fully feel those feelings, and ask yourself what you need to take care of your feelings, then follow through, you’ll find that your feelings are a really helpful ally that can support having better self-care, better, boundaries, and stronger relationships.
If you would like support in accessing your feelings, stop blaming other people for your feelings, and learn how to use your feelings to do deep, empowering healing, let's talk!
Free Discovery Call to explore what's possible for you:
https://amandaeloesh.as.me/sovereignty
Learn more about Amanda Elo'Esh and get your gift: Elevationship: Replace Conflict with Greater Intimacy: https://eloesh.com
If you would like more access to your feelings, let's talk. Schedule some time here >>>
https://amandaeloesh.as.me/sovereignty
If you'd like to connect with a healing way of relating to yourself and others that supports feeling your feelings without holding them back for others, I have a gift for you: Elevationship: Replace Conflict with Greater Intimacy. (https://eloesh.com)
It's a guide to help you to experience every challenge (especially in relationships with others) as an opportunity to get in touch with your feelings (emotional/physical expressions) and do deep healing with them.
May it serve you in your spiritual, emotional, relational journey!
If you are dealing with trauma, you know it kind of goes without saying that it gets exhausting, but are you aware of how much energy your system is putting into holding the flood of emotions back, pushing down the memories, defending against future attacks and plastering a happy "got my shit together" front to get through each day?
The impact of trauma (the chronic trauma from being a human, especially a woman in the 21st century, or the many other ways it shows up from childhood and adulthood) really hit me this past Saturday as we started to do the breath, movement, and energy practices for the Open Source Voice Activation mini-retreat.
The women started out saying they were inspired to come because they felt like their voice was shut down in some way and they wanted to wake it back up. What unfolded was not what I expected.
I'd imagined us doing some deep clearing, energy release, and then getting really active with our bodies and voices, but what happened was shocking, but then, as I really tuned in, realized it wasn't surprising at all.
As we got deep down into the self-expression blocks, each of the women, having the invitation to honor their inner wisdom, laid down and went into deep rest.
What was uncovered collectively was that all of the defenses and hyper-vigilance and effort to appear "okay" on top of old unresolved trauma needed a rest.
This is not the first time that coming into our safe and sacred space led to an unexpected, but much needed rest.
I've facilitated several private ceremonies where my client just went into a deep sleep that allowed her to really release some things that hadn't ever felt safe enough to let go of. I sat by her side, wrapping her in healing energy, my presence, and real blankets as she renewed in ways she never had before.
"They're exhausted!" is what Source whispered to me. So, instead of moving forward trying to wake everything up I listened and honored what was needed. A moment in the sacred feminine container to let the walls come down, the appearances to fade, and a deep renewing pause happened as I dropped into an impromptu sound healing.
So many old griefs, untold stories, unfelt sorrows and angers were able to flow out with tears and uncensored words that finally had a place to be heard, honored, released, and composted.
Trying to live life while also carrying around trauma is not just exhausting, it is not sustainable.
Give yourself permission to be held and to let what has been hidden to be revealed. Of course, when and where is important.
Sometimes expecting someone else to hold space can pass the trauma and heaviness on. It takes a very special presence to be able to assist the release and elevation of the heavy and toxic energies so many of us are carting around, often unconsciously.
Our Open Source Voice Activation Mini-Retreats, apparently, are a beautiful place to let yourself be vulnerable, authentic, without pressure to say or do or be anything other than what is real in the moment.
We also find very similar responses in our sacred plant medicine ceremonies.
Sometimes before we can fly and belt out our songs, we have to find deep stillness, a moment to come to rest, a space to really unburden ourselves, and then discover what can occupy the spaciousness within us when we are not filled up with trauma, stress, and anxiety.
You are warmly invited to explore the different safe and sacred spaces we create to help you get exactly what you need so you can be free of the toxic trauma, and wake up to what light and gifts are inside of you that have been drowned out by the pain.
Check out the dates for our upcoming Open Source: Voice Activation Mini-Retreats: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/opensource-voice-activation-mini-retreat-to-express-your-authenticity-tickets-847594075697
And if a really deep dive is calling, consider applying for one of our sacred medicine ceremonies: https://LivingWisdomChurch.org/sacred-medicine
If you'd like personal support, there's a free discovery call to explore ways I can help you release trauma and really discover what's possible from that new space no longer occupied by wounds. You'll find that free call here: https://eloesh.com
Whatever it is you do, give yourself the gift of really being able to be held so that your nervous system and all that is stuck in fight/flight mode can take a much needed break.
Your life is sacred and your well-being is worthy.
“Have you ever felt like you might be the reincarnation of Joseph Smith?”
A few years ago, a friend messaged me on Facebook asking me if I felt any special connection with Joseph Smith (the first prophet of the Mormon church). I replied “Well, other than the fact that I was born and raised Mormon, no not really. Why?!”
She responded: “Have you ever felt like you might be the reincarnation of Joseph Smith?”
Me: “Uh, emphatically, no.”
But as I have thought about it, and learned more about the hidden origins of Joseph Smith as a “prophet,” and founding the Mormon church, I DO feel like I am definitely here to clean up some serious bad karma on behalf of my LDS lineage.
{The following has proven to be true through state, county, and city records and published in multiple publications, but I got the download from a fascinating book called “The Psychedelic History of Mormonism, Magic, & Drugs.”}
Here are some interesting parallels and mirrors between me and Joseph:
Joseph Smith founded a church and so did I.
Joseph Smith allegedly founded this church because he didn’t find what he was looking for when it came to the word of God (though if you look at the arc of his life from salesman to conman to convict on the verge of being jailed and banned, it appears more that he claimed to be a prophet so he could claim religious practices as a way to “get out of jail free”).
I founded a church, in part, because I also felt there was something missing in the world: a dogma-free community that came together do to accomplish good and learn, heal, grow, and pray together without requiring the conformity of specific practices, belief systems, political leanings, diets, or clothing.
Joseph Smith used local plants to make psychedelic wine that he served to his members, pretending his personal power and relationship with God was the portal to these experiences.
I make sacred medicine (sometimes referred to as “psychedelic,” though I prefer more respectful terms like Entheogens) from sometimes local, but at least sustainable and environmentally kind sources, and provide comprehensive information about the medicine, how to prepare, how to work with it in a safe and sacred way, and am completely transparent about all of the elements that are a part of our ceremonies.
Joseph Smith used manipulation and hypocritical, high demands of his members to maintain his power (again, all of this is fairly easily found in local records if you’re interested in actually seeking it out) and pay his debts.
I walked myself through all of the practices and experiences I provide for our community members for years and did deep inner work (and continue to do deep inner work) before ever serving medicine to anyone. I’ve gone into debt at times to keep our doors open and provide services to our community. I believe that when people feel safe to be themselves, authentically, and can listen to Source/God (whatever name an individual has for that which is greater than them that wishes them well), we all benefit, even if we don’t agree.
I genuinely believe, now, that I do have a special connection with Joseph Smith.
Not necessarily as his reincarnation, but, again, as someone who agreed to be of service and help to clean up some of the immense bad karma created from the horrible lies, manipulation, coercion, and other atrocities committed by Joseph Smith and his henchmen.
It broke my heart to learn about all of the terrible things that were done, specifically by Mormons, in the name of God, but really for the sake of money and power.
I would guess this is why an unusual amount of people who have been traumatized by religion, cults, high demand / high control groups are attracted to our ceremonies. We provide a sense of safety and belonging as well as a sense of personal freedom and acceptance.
So, Living Wisdom is the Non-Prophet nonprofit, the non-cult of Inalienable Sovereignty, and TODAY IS LIVING WISDOM’S BIRTHDAY! We are 6 years old!
We survived (just barely) the pandemic, and continue to grow our community despite the many plot twists and turns of life.
We are attracting really amazing folks from all walks of life, from a 10 year old boy who comes and cry and release his fears and anger at our Cacao + Sonic Medicine ceremonies, to military veteran of color who report to have healed his PTSD in a single medicine ceremony.
If you would like to be a part of something very special that is here to serve as a safe and sacred space for diverse community to learn, heal, and grow together (sometimes with Entheogens, but ALWAYS with consent), we have a gift for you.
We have a free Patreon membership that offers some helpful guided meditations, articles, and other resources: https://Patreon.com/livingwisdom
And join our mailing list (believe me, I’m too busy to be too annoying with the emails) to learn about our upcoming gatherings, including our plant medicine ceremonies: https://LivingWisdomChurch.org (you’ll get the Essential Entheogen Guide as a gift when you get on our mailing list, so look for it in your inbox/spam).
We have loads of free offerings and try to provide something for everyone, even those not interested or able to heal with Entheogens.
We hope to pray with you soon, and until we connect . . . Happy birthday to us, and May the Source Be with You!
Do you enjoy time alone? Do you need it or endure it?
As a kid who was way outside the box, seeing fairies & God on the reg, & without siblings my age, I found a lot of joy in time alone making magic & exploring my imagination.
I had plenty of friends, but I also really loved it when I could just be in the flow & let my inspirations take me down creative rabbit holes & chase unicorns.
I loved to just ride my bike & explore, & meander down magical trails. I loved reading books & creating things with my hands like artwork, sewing projects, or journaling about my dreams & visions.
Forty years later, it’s not much different. I tend towards oracles, manifestation rituals (with or without origami) & sound healing explorations instead of sewing, riding my bike is still a great joy, & while I didn’t know the word “meditation” or have a formal practice as a kid, I did let my mind go to places that were beyond words, & I still do that in many ways today with countless meditation, subconscious healing, & energy practices.
I do love spending time with my preferred peeps, but I cherish the time I get to just be with me, & forty years later, I love me even more than ever.
If you have a hard time being alone, but would like to learn how to embrace it, and use it as an opportunity to cultivate self-love, self-care, and discovering the magical wonderland of your imagination, let's talk! Schedule a free discovery call today:
https://amandaeloesh.as.me/sovereignty
And exlplore more about my work with couples here: https://eloesh.com
Without intending to, I’ve often pushed people’s buttons because I won’t stay in my prescribed box.
My questions about practices vs. scripture at church, my questions about unfair treatment of boys vs. girls in my friends’ homes, . . . the only place those probing questions were appreciated was at school.
Being “weird” was so usual for me I felt like a sell-out any time I did actually fit in.
As I got older and especially after I moved from Utah to California, I didn’t seem to ruffle so many feathers, and when it did happen, it didn’t feel so earth shattering anymore. It was just "who I am."
As I followed the spiritual breadcrumbs guiding my life path and my purpose work, I found myself with a medicine ministry that I hadn’t sought out, but felt perfectly aligned with. I’d studied and learned so much and done so much healing through indigenous healing lineages, most of which work with plant medicines.
When I started serving Medicine, it wasn’t so common as it is now, and there was a deep and humble gratitude for being seen by my teachers and given this honor to serve.
I felt more at home than ever before, and then, just as my medicine ministry was taking off, the public conversation about white privilege and appropriation of First Nations and Indigenous folks came in strong and I once again found myself ruffling feathers, but this time it rocked me to the core of my being.
From the time I was able to even understand the differences in race and see inequality, I questioned it (it was some of what rocked the boat as a kid speaking out against what I saw to be unjust). So it felt unbearably painful to think I was doing something that now made me “the bad guy.” I knew I was called to it, and knew Source and the Medicine had called me, but my still fragile ego couldn’t bear even the unspoken, assumed criticism about my purpose work as a medicine woman, let alone the personal attacks.
I decided to stop serving medicine and find another path.
I understand the anger over the horrific and intentional annihilation of not only the Indigenous people of color, but the intentional annihilation of the languages and cultures as well. So much of what I learned (and grieved) about indigenous studies was all of the beauty and sacredness that was a part of each day from waking up, to growing food and fetching water, to rites of passage, and now it is disappearing rapidly with our natural lands and AI run systems.
Every day I ache at the ignorance of white, patriarchal greed, domination, and power and what it has destroyed. My love and resonance for Indigenous perspectives is what led me to do what I do, so it was horrifying to imagine that I was offending cultures I had deep respect for. I understood, and it broke my heart.
It took the loving and insistent support of a man of color who is a close friend and part of my medicine ministry. He saw me and reflected the nonsense I was telling myself about ending my ministry just as it was getting going.
I went into deep prayer and meditation to ask how to come to terms with the position I was in. This is what came:
“You are here to serve. You are not here to impress other people or stroke your ego. You have never fit in a box, and you aren’t going to now either. You’ve been healed by the Medicine and you’ve been called by the Medicine, and it is the Medicine that truly chooses those who serve. No one owns the rights or the privilege to serve Medicine - that is from the entitled mind that has disconnected from the Sacred. Do not listen to it regardless of where it comes from. Be loving and gracious, release your own inner shame and shadow and continue to welcome others with love, compassion, and grace, even when they are unkind to you, and let the Medicine take care of the rest.”
So I did as I was told and almost immediately the negative comments (mostly coming from white folks) came to a halt. I still have folks who are interested in knowing my background, and I am always so honored to share, and peaceful in my heart knowing there has only ever been a desire to serve as I have been called.
I do continue to understand and echo the anger over the destruction and exploitation of so many of the sacred ways of so many peoples and cultures, especially those who had no say in the matter. We all have truly lost what is most important to us, and it is my own personal quest to remember to live my life in a sacred way.
To remember to greet the day with gratitude, feed the earth, sing to the wind, honor the water, and stoke the fire with dance and stories . . . I often forget and get swept up in the illusions of modern, westernized survival, but I also often remember to feed the Holy, starting with the sacred life I’ve been given, and listening to the profound messages of everything that is greater than me that wishes me well.
It has often ruffled feathers, but sometimes that’s exactly what’s needed before taking flight into something better.
If you'd like to learn more and apply to attend our small medicine gatherings in Calistoga, California, visit http://LivingWisdomChurch.org/sacred-medicine
Here's a gift to get you one step closer to your own daily mastery of practical magic. A free discovery call to explore how you can access your greatest potential in the next 90 days.
It's a non-pushy, no obligation call (but not a free session). I look forward to exploring what magic we can find together!
"You're either a shaman or a serial killer"
I’ve been told by more than a few astrologers that I have an “intense chart,” especially marked by a Scorpio Moon, which, I’ve heard more than once makes you "either a shaman or a serial killer" . . . mostly because it takes you deep into the darkness, emotionally, and I guess you either sink in and let it consume you, or you learn to swim, shine your light, and bring some healing to the hidden places.
Some of the people I share this astrological marker with . . . Beyoncé, Lady Gaga, Scarlett Johansson, Cyndi Lauper, Bruce Lee . . .
And it makes a lot of sense. Early on, I was fascinated with the criminal mind and thought I would work with and heal serial killers (you gotta cut me some slack . . . I was only 10 years old, but oh my ego ran wild).
Then I realized that the fascination was heavy and created a dark cloud that impacted me and I also realized “Why not use my gifts to help those who actually strive to rescue their own light and let it shine?" Instead of stroking my ego and trying to crack the sociopathic mind, I chose to lift up those who are already working to make the world a better place, but stuck in their own unsolicited pain and suffering.
Sociopaths or Healers?
So, I shifted focus. I did 11 years of child welfare, much of the time on the Emergency Response and Sexual Abuse teams. Bringing calm and care to people in crisis. At times, even my Scorpio Moon got overwhelmed with the constant immersion in the worst of the worst case scenarios, and I tried to leave. I applied for (and was offered) multiple jobs that had more prestige, paid better, and were MUCH safer (even police officers told me they wouldn’t want my job because they got to sometimes respond to enjoyable calls and they got to carry guns for their protection). Each time I was offered a “better” job, I would get the dreams that would let me know I was still needed where I was.
Then one day, Source tapped me on the shoulder and said “You’re free. You can do anything you want.”
That’s when I quit my job, went to California Institute of Integral Studies, and officially started my path as a healer, forging my own offerings and finding my way outside the 9-5 income and the constant exposure to crisis.
Freedom wasn't the magical ride I'd assumed
I can’t say it was all rainbows and unicorns. The entrepreneurial struggle with absolutely no exposure to anything beyond blue collar work from my parents (and not much support in my education after high school) was real.
My Scorpio Moon made for a powerful life of diving into the depths of the darkness, in relationships and finding my way as a spiritual guide and entrepreneur.
I guess all of the big, expansive “good luck” of the Sagittarius Sun & Ascending helps to bring the light and the positivity needed to navigate those depths.
Dark Nights of the Soul
And I have plumbed the depths - my own dark nights of the soul (multiple) have taken me into suicidal thoughts (and even attempts starting at age 12), but I’ve also reached profound heights of truly communing with Source, experiencing the ecstasy of Samadhi union with the limitless presence of the Holy. I’ve been shown some of the secrets of life and manifestation, and have experienced miracles that would be difficult to believe (so I don’t often talk about them).
I know we all have free will, and I do take accountability for the incredible life I’ve lived and the choices I've made, but I do feel like I was born with a particular human design that has helped me to become the powerful space holder that I am today.
Bringing light to the darkness
I have yet to meet a client I can’t completely love and embrace with compassion and there isn’t a person in my past I can’t completely forgive with deep understanding, and there hasn’t been a person who’s come to ceremony I couldn’t hold with love and respect, regardless of their own self-judgment.
So, my Scorpio Moon may mean that dancing with me on any level of intimacy, as a dear friend, a partner, or a client, is an unspoken ticket into the depths of the subconscious mind, a releasing of the skeletons in the closet, and dancing with the demons until they've got all their ya-ya's out, but I’m also designed to be a bringer of love, light, and compassion into those deep, dark places.
I've come to do major clean up on aisle 4 (and so have you)
It’s definitely a “wild” ride, but I can’t imagine experiencing life any other way. It took a long time to find my way out of the darkness and into the light of embracing my life as the sacred gift it is, and now that is one of the most important messages I want everyone to really take in, and I think this is a theme for the Scorpio Moon journey, as one of the most iconic of our tribe so beautifully expressed . . .
"There's nothing wrong with loving who you are"
She said, "'Cause He made you perfect, babe
So hold your head up, girl, and you'll go far"
Listen to me when I say . . . Baby I was born this way.” ~ Lady Gaga
RETURN TO THE PLAYA . . . AFTER 14 YEARS
In the scorching heart of Black Rock City in the Nevada desert, where dust and dreams collide, I found myself standing beneath the glaring sun, gazing at the familiar, surreal landscape of Burning Man. It had been 14 long years since my last venture to this epic festival, and a staggering 25 years since my very first attendance. You could say I’m an OG Burner, well-versed in the ethos of radical self-reliance, community, and the gifting economy. But my return wasn’t driven by nostalgia or a mere desire for revelry. No, it was a calling-a deeply aligned mission guided by Source.
THE JOURNEY OF SELF-DISCOVERY
In the 14 years away from the playa, I embarked on sacred pilgrimages internationally, spoke internationally, built a thriving 6-figure business, was initiated into serving sacred plant medicine and would serve over a thousand souls, and underwent profound personal transformations. I moved four times, launched multiple side businesses, and founded the non-profit organization, Living Wisdom.
Each step of this journey prepared me for what was to come . . .
THE STARS ALIGN: I RETURN TO SERVE
This year, the cosmic dance of destiny took hold, and Source whispered, “It’s time.” And so, I returned to Burning Man, not as a mere participant (there are no observers at the ‘Man) but as a guardian of serenity, stationed at the Tea Tyger Tea Lounge-a sanctuary amidst the chaos (HUGE THANKS TO OSHAN and the lead crew). Here, we shared teas from traditions around the world, plus our unique Go Ask Alice Oracle & Tea Party offering. Musicians serenaded us with world music, and guests found solace and tranquility amid the metaphorical and literal storms that brought flooding and chaos to the playa.
EMBRACING CHALLENGES WITH GRACE
As record-breaking rains descended and ankle-deep mud became the norm, I didn’t see disaster; I saw an opportunity. Amid the chaos, my heart was filled with peace, and I felt even more affirmed in my calling to be of service. Warm smiles, comforting tea, and a dry haven became the highlights of our sanctuary. Many proclaimed it the best thing on the playa. We provided refuge to those rained out of their camps, showcasing the enduring spirit of community and kindness.
During my time away from the Tea Tyger Lounge, I still offered a presence of peace, love, and calm along with my partner, Dr. Matthew, and those we found ourselves circling with. We brought light amidst the darkness, comfort amidst the turmoil. There was no doubt why I had gotten the strong push to return this year.
REKINDLING THE SPIRIT OF BURNING MAN
I couldn’t help but reminisce about the early days when comfort was scarce, and survival depended on the kindness of strangers. At Living Wisdom, we embrace the concept of “sur-thriving”-not merely surviving but thriving through service, weaving the prayers, talents, and even shadow of community to create a strong basket that holds us all tight.
THE TRUE MAGIC OF SERVICE
In a world that often sensationalizes misery and strife, Burning Man showed me the real magic: camaraderie, generosity of spirit, open hearts, and the true essence of community. It’s a reminder that focusing on service, rather than personal gratification, brings profound fulfillment. When your soul resonates with service, paradise can be found anywhere, whether in the heart of the desert and the rain-soaked, muddy plains, or on the prosperous land we reside in: Napa Valley, California. Burning Man, once again, reignited the flame of purpose within my heart, and I left with a renewed commitment to my calling, forever a Burner at heart, forever in service by calling.
Read More
It was a beautiful Spring day at Esalen. I'd had a week of cultivating my 6-figure business, and had been basking in the healing waters and landscape of this world renown retreat center, offering my sound healing for a week-long workshop (Eileen Barker & Michael Gelbart: Path of Forgiveness). It was an epic time in my life.
Dave Navarro had been a part of this transformational week together and had given me repeated high praise for my sonic medicine, we'd done collages side-by-side, swapping silly stories . . . I felt like I was in a dream. But it wasn't a dream. It was my amazing life.
And then the moment came . . . Dave and I are sitting together for a musical performance and he asks me, "Would you be available to do a private ceremony with me?"
A world famous musician, whose music was a favorite for years, has just asked to become a private client and I said . . . "I'm really busy right now, I don't think I can."
WTAF?!?
Did I REALLY just tell Dave Navarro I was too busy for his business? Yes, I did.
WHY on earth did I say that?
Here's the nitty gritty on what possessed me to turn an opportunity of a lifetime . . . and the 3 things you may be doing that are keeping you from success:
1. You're uncomfortable with things being "too good."
When things are going great, you're looking for the rug to be pulled out from under you. You just know that your luck is about to change, so you can't let in what's being offered you in the moment. Truth is, no one's luck stays on the constant upswing. We have ups and downs, ins and outs. We win and we lose. BUT, if you are unable to truly relish what's right in front of you that's amazing because you are too afraid of losing it, the downs will come a lot sooner than necessary, and you'll miss out on the deliciousness of the feast laid out for you now.
I have had to do a LOT of work on my "not good enough" wounding to be able to actually allow in pleasure, golden opportunities, and goodness to my life. Dave's request tipped my happiness and prosperity scales to "TILT!" and I just couldn't let it in.
[I did later come back and apologize, and also asked permission to share about this experience, which Dave graciously and enthusiastically gave the thumbs up on.]
2. You're secretly afraid to step outside your comfort zone.
Have you ever seen this graphic?
If you always stay within your comfort zone, it'll require a true intervention of supernatural forces to get you to the next level in your personal development.
I never want to disappoint anyone, but I realized a while back that if you never take a risk at helping someone (or yourself) achieve something phenomenal, you're never going to accomplish the phenomenal. Everyone I look up to has said at some point that they fail far more often than they succeed, and the only difference between those who succeed and those who do not is the commitment to get up after evert fall and try again.
Truth be told, I was afraid I just couldn't offer the world class care that someone like Dave Navarro would want. And he wouldn't have asked me if he didn't feel confident I COULD offer what he wanted.
3. You're not taking care of yourself.
Whenever things get slow in my flow of clients and aligned work, you are likely getting a gift from Source. YES! A GIFT!
Usually it is a signal that you need to drop deep into self care. Just before Dave Navarro told me my voice took him to the same place that DMT does, I had been working with that inner worrier that was telling me I was taking too much time in the pools ("You should go write a blog or newsletter or something!" it had been nagging at me).
I decided to push beyond the "Gotta work hard to deserve this amazing experience," and really dropped into deep self care. That evening, I was in a blissful, open place, and able to provide a sound healing experience that inspired sincere accolades from those I was serving.
If you help yourself to remember this by prioritizing your well-being, daring to step beyond the familiar, and expand your capacity to really revel in the moments of beauty as they arise, you'll open doorways of possibility that will lead to previously unimaginable success and happiness.
Your life is a sacred gift. Your gifts are precious. Your time and energy are valuable beyond measure.
Go ahead! Give it a shot, then tell me how it goes.
You may just be around the corner from a dream-come-true, and you don't want to make the same mistake I did. Take these words of wisdom to heart so you can let in all the magic just waiting to pour in for you.
And if you have already danced with these experiences, please share what you've learned along the way.
And as always, if you have any questions, I'm here for you.
May the Source be with you
amandaeloesh @ gmail.com
This gorgeous looking (and tasting) chilled soup I made up has become such a hit, I just had to share it with you!
For those of you who love to follow tight recipes with precise amounts and measurements . . .
MOST SINCERE APOLOGIES! This is intuitive cooking! I'm glad I can even remember what all I put in it to begin with 😀
I cook with a lot of intuition, flow, and . . . complete lack of measuring cups, measuring spoons and the like. Please do bear with me.
I recommend, as always, getting organic produce, locally sourced is best.
Get a bunch of beets (3-4 medium/large), remove the stems & leaves (saving them to add to smoothies or salads later), wash them, and then steam them until they are soft to cut, but still firm (don't worry if you cook them longer). The cooking helps to sweeten them up in the soup. Add to your blender (I prefer Vitamix or something similar that can provide a very smooth consistency).
Roughly cut up one cucumber (you'll want to remove the peel if it is not organic). Add to your blender.
Roughly cut up one bulb of fennel (if you can wild harvest this, it's amazing). Save some of the beautiful greens for garnish, and if you're on the conservative side, keep some of the stems out and mostly use the bulb. Add to your blender.
Remove most of the peel from 2 lemons. Add to your blender.
Fresh mint to your liking (Save some for garnish!)
Add 1/2 cup (or more if you like) cup of good quality and good tasting olive oil.
Add 1 tsp. good quality salt (NON-IODIZED) Add dulse seaweed flakes for a healthy, natural source of iodine 😀
Add pepper to taste (If you can find Balinese or another sweet and fragrant long pepper corn, this is best).
Add 2-3 cups spring water depending on consistency you prefer. Start out with 2 and add in more as you go.
Blend until silky smooth.
Chill.
Serve (How many does it serve? Well, that depends on whether you want to share or not!) It's very tasty and could be offered as a little refreshing shot to quite a few people, or it works great as a meal replacement or mid-afternoon hearty snack for 2-4.
OPTIONAL GARNISHES (use one or all): Gomasio, seaweed seasoning (especially dulse flakes), pumpkin seeds, mint, fennel sprigs, cultured (vegan) yogurt, toasted croutons (make sure to add ghee to them for over the top goodness)!
Always go to the ocean with an offering. Always go into Nature with an offering. Always give an offering before taking something.
Other offerings can be things you used to make as a child, but have since forgotten about.
How do you respond when everything falls apart?
Throughout my life, I’ve had multiple experiences where seemingly everything I had put together for myself crumbled in short order. Just before the first one, I got a message from one of my guides that I was going to be just fine, and that I needed to pay attention to HOW I navigated the shit-show that was about to ensue so that I could help other people to do the same.
What I’ve found is that these total life wipe-outs (Kali Etch-A-Sketch moments as I refer to them) when everything gets shaken and you are left with a blank slate, are gifts.
Yes, gifts.
We put our lives together a certain way, limited by conscious and subconscious beliefs about ourselves and about the world around us.
When our prayer, our Noble Purpose, and our Spiritual Contracts are bigger than what our small minds can manifest, things tumble so that we can strengthen and have an opportunity to rebuild based on a new paradigm.
Problem is, many of us just struggle to try to get back to where we were, or spend all of our energy trying to prevent the deconstruction. We miss the many gifts and treasures that are on the path of dissolution and then we can, with our attachments, get lost in victimhood, regret, and all the other hard feels when we don’t see that this is not a punishment or a loss, it is an opportunity for renovation and upgrades. Indigenous cultures initiate their young people. It is a rite of passage into young adulthood.
These initiations are no joke. Some don’t make it. They bring the initiate face-to-face with the humbling reality of their reliance on so many elements that are greater than them, and the fragility of life. Passing through that gauntlet creates a reverence for and a deep relationship with everything that gives them life, which creates that sense of belonging (not just to the community, but to the world), a respect for the full spectrum of life (the ebbs and the flows), and an inner sense of strength and confidence as a result of making it through the intense trials.
We don’t have these cultural initiations anymore, but we do experience them through the unexpected and unplanned losses, tragedies, and the crumbling of all we build up based on ego-motivated goals.
There is no way around the initiation(s).
We need them to help us wake up to the depth and majesty of life. It’s so much greater than that botched order at Starbucks or even that argument with a partner over money . . . again.
These challenges are a collusion of our soul and everything that is greater than us that wishes us well to help us to wake up out of our illusions and delusions about life and step into the greater magic and meaning that is all around us, yet mostly invisible to the uninitiated eye. If you feel like you are in a life wipe-out, things are crumbling, or you simply find yourself constantly wondering if (and longing for the possibility that) there might be more to life than meets your eye, let’s connect.
Grab a complimentary discovery session with me HERE ::
:: and I’d be happy to support you in navigating the dissolution as well as tuning into the magic that’s waiting for you.
Read MoreHere I am on the Sacred Feminine 13th Freya-Day under a Super New Scorpio Moon and Scorpio Sun. With my moon in Scorpio and my body in a cocoon. My soul so grateful for deeply knowing and loving myself, even as my hardest places arise, I can fully feel them, welcome them into my heart, and find a place of loving kindness within.
SO many wounds coming up to be healed. So many places that were projected upon that were harmful. And I have let them take precedence over the majesty and sacredness of my own sense of myself.
What a blessing when I finally allowed myself to see this for the first time. I have had to come back to it many times. So many opportunities to get lost in the hard reflections of others. What a blessing to have been on this journey, somehow innately knowing that inside of myself there is gold that I can rely on.
Almost lost in the projections and conditioning.
I’m not sure if there is anything more painful that I have experienced in my life than secretive judgments of beloveds. Especially lovers who literally put themselves inside of me. Shadowy judgments and projections that have lodged themselves into my empathic psychic body and then my physical body, and then become the fodder for future beloveds to judge and then it starts all over again.
As a human built to be the sacred feminine chalice, the receiver of the sacred masculine, I am not sure there is anything more painful than allowing that deep intimacy and being given such sharp and poisonous sacrament hidden inside of and tangled up with love.
Of course it was almost always with consent. And it was conditioned to please. It was conditioned to receive. It was conditioned to be like Jesus. Compassionate and forgiving. And completely without any wisdom about how to HONOR it in the sacred feminine way. Only instructions: JUST DON’T. Your body. Your pleasure. They aren’t yours to enjoy. You are here to serve.
[And let me just assure you as you, start to interject here that there was conditioning of the sacred masculine as well.
I KNOW.
I know we are all waking up together (HOPEFULLY). It is my fucking compassion and understanding that has made it such a slippery slope to find my actual edges and boundaries and say, “Um, I’m actually not Jesus and I am at my capacity for tolerating any more of your wounding at this personal level. I am not your healer. I am not your servant.
I am a GOT THIS, but not for you. I am a GOT THIS for the Holy and my Self.”]
There have been so many excruciating layers, generational and beyond, personal and impersonal, simply from being a woman with so many sisters with the same wounds. So many to heal.
I started it as a victim. I am not interested in that narrative for myself. I am owning my sovereignty. As a Sovereigness. I take full accountability for each and every one of my decisions. They have become more and more conscious with each breath. I have no regrets.
And it feels important to name the full cycle and full circle of this healing.
So as I step into my Sovereigness, I am weaving in this sacred 13th Goddess, Got This day being able to feel the full honoring potency of the wounds that have shaped me. I embrace them. They embrace me.
I am awakening within me the Virgin. Not the virgin of the Western world, but the true Virgin, who is sovereign in her body and in her sexuality. She is free from the projections, the “should’s,” and the judgments of others about her choices. I am reclaiming my inalienable ownership of this sacred vessel. I take it back from the crumbling power of judgment.
I claim the remembrance of how to detect the presence of poison before it enters my body.
I forgive myself for the uninformed conscious, sacred choices I have made in the past based in loving kindness, trust, and true innocence.
It is such a precious thing, innocence. I reclaim it for myself. No one has permission to take that from me or anyone else in my world.
Wow. What a potent birthing of myself through words. So powerful. So helpful.
Thank you, sacred Self and Everything that is Greater than me that Wishes me Well, for helping me to have this profound birthing. Still unfurling. But already so helpful and life-giving.
I forgive myself for giving myself away, thinking I had to trade it for survival. I forgive myself for letting the ignorant judgments of others who create and feed into the wounding that they judge, override my own sense of self-worth.
I know they are only doing what they’ve been programmed to do. I claim my sovereignty in my choices.
I claim and take back my power. I reclaim myself through time and space. All of me belongs to me. None of it is shameful. All of it is sacred.
Whatever piece of me, my body, my time, my money, my attention that is offered is only to that which receives it with respect. Whatever I receive from outside of myself, I commit to receive with respect.
I’m so immensely grateful for this prayer. It has swirled through in many ways, so many times, but today, in the sacred feminine cocoon of the frequency and tone of “Got This,” it lands into English words that I can feel inside of me as I speak, even just as I type it and watch it flow from my fingers onto a digital screen, it is magic. This is the spell I cast for myself and everyone else who cares to join me.
My mission in this lifetime is to help as many people as possible to access their inalienable sovereignty. I’m glad to know that my primary client is myself.
What an immense moment. What a precious moment.
Thank you, sacred witnesses for sharing this sacred moment of birthing myself.
Mitakuye Oyasin
So, yah, just another day along the 2020 path of transformation.
(unfinished) Image by Adrianne Tamar Arachne
Today has been full of potent transmissions.
I just returned from visiting my sweet Mama in Southern Utah, where she was born and raised, to celebrate her 90th birthday! It was a deeply nourishing and powerful experience.
Today, as I put my body back together from the hours in planes and cars and being with the loved ones, this transmission came through.
I felt deeply nourished by it, and thought you might enjoy it too.
The first thing that happened was that I was reminded of a powerful message that came through over a year and a half ago . . .
You are in a powerful time of transformation. This prayer is already in Sacred Motion. There is nothing you need to do to MAKE it happen. Your only invitation is to soften, and allow, and witness the unfolding of this Divine Plan.
That message carried me through my own personal apocalypse back then, and it continues to resurface to remind me that the Sacred Motion of the Divine Plan is still unfolding. I've already made my prayer and agreements for why I am here in this particular body, in this particular life, at this particular time.
I know what I am here to do. I am here to help people access their own deep personal relationship to Source so that each of you can also know your unique Divine Plan and get the guidance to show up to it in a good way.
Today, as I have pondered the challenges that have arisen for me, financial in particular, this is what came through that wants to be shared.
Don’t believe that having trauma or disaster in your life is proof that you are damaged or stuck.
We have all inherited the task of cleaning up the messes made before us.
We are all being called to action. The most capable are being called to even more action.
Some of us know how to elevate it.
Some of us are still becoming overwhelmed by our own past traumas & conditioning. Trying to do anything from this hard and challenging state will generate more of the same.
Hurt people hurt people. Healing people heal people.
Some days those who were masterful will need help getting out of overwhelm from their wounds. Some days, those in overwhelm will be masterful in their response to the dissolution taking place right now.
We are not quite yet in rebuild mode. There are still many structures and pieces that need to be composted and transformed. Many of them are things that you really like.
Can you meet your calling with an open loving heart yet? Not just your intention but your actions?
Are you in joy? Or are you in complaint?
Are you generating peace? Or something else?
Don’t get lost in blame. That is a distraction from what lies in front of you that you can change. Focus on what you can do with an open loving heart. Focus on what you can do that generates health, kindness, and peace (or whatever other awesome thing that brings you life).
If you see something you do not like, either step up and take sovereign responsibility to make it better, or release judgment about it not being to your preference (better yet, do BOTH!).
If you don’t know how to make it better, it isn’t your business. Ask for help if it needs attention.
Focus on what you CAN do, not on what others cannot.
Complaint is a symptom of a subconscious program that is disempowered. There is no complaint when you are truly Sovereign.
So, that is what's driving my ship today.
May it serve you and your journey to sovereignty!
If you are curious about accessing and truly embodying your inner Sovereigness, and learning how to show up masterfully during these intense times, you are invited to my ½ day womxn’s online circle ~ Sunday, November 8th, 11am-3pm
Priestess Passes start at just $33 (but are limited, so get yours now!)
I've had a profound realization about an old pattern that comes up when things are tough. The old pattern goes something like this . . .
I feel myself consumed by the stress (constriction in my heart, all my energy gets drained, and I fall into despair), and then I collapse inside and want to give up.
The collapse into hopelessness and overwhelm comes from a place that believes if I let myself go there, then that will be a signal to . . . God? The Universe? Some Rescuer? That I’ve had enough now, and I can give up and the struggle will be over.
This hasn’t ever worked.
This experience hasn't been able to control the challenges. They haven't magically come to an end just because I feel like I can't take anymore.
During times of initiation, like this, when the challenges just keep coming relentlessly, I collapse, feel sorry for myself, vent to a friend who will reflect to me how amazing I am and then after taking a break (like napping or zoning out on a movie or something similar to escape), I pick myself back up and forge ahead. And I realize . . .
“Well, I guess that wasn’t actually my edge.”
2019 proved to be that way. I had hit after hit that seemed overwhelming and too much to take. To name just a few examples, I lost the home of seven years I'd invested my heart, soul, and business into. I lost my relationship. I was betrayed by someone I thought to be a father figure to me. I lost almost all of my savings. My 6-figure business collapsed. And those are just some of the highlights of disaster that hit last year all within just a couple of short months.
When I'd get to a certain point, something inside would signal "This is all I can take!" and then I would fall apart for the day, but ultimately, I would eventually pick myself up and keep on going, and the hits kept on coming.
I got through it all and landed in a beautiful place that was (as my own personal philosophy and visions had assured me) much better than before things fell apart.
Now 2020 seems like a global echo of my personal 2019 experience (WTF?! Moments all in line, one after the other, testing our capacity to show up with grace and presence).
Focusing on staying in my center, staying in my peace and blissful reverence and gratitude for life will help me much better than collapsing into despair.
This is a new realization. Before I’ve just seen it as me hitting my edge, which is also true, but . . .
I can control where my edges are.
I can decide when (and possibly IF) I collapse into hopelessness and the “just give up” kind of surrender vs. the “trust and let go of the illusion of control” kind of surrender.
When I come to that place of wanting to collapse, it just means I need a little break for some self-care, and experiencing delight/playfulness, so that I can recalibrate myself and re-align with my magic and my power as my guiding star. This has been a really profound and helpful realization.
As I step into this practice I see my Sovereign self expanding and my victim persona fading away.
This realization has come at the same time as a deep inner confidence that has been emerging over the past few weeks. It is a voice from within and without that says . . .
"It doesn't matter who gets elected. It doesn't matter what happens to the economy. It doesn't matter if you get evicted or have a huge turnaround back into success and wealth. Nothing on the outside matters. You are not in control of ANY of that. You are here to be a beacon of light during this dark time, which doesn't rely on things being a certain way to be able to shine. Stay focused on what you're here to do. You are amazing at it. You are an alchemist. You've always turned hard experiences into gifts of gold and you will continue to do so now. You don't have control over what comes your way. You're an alchemist and a healer during a very dark time of transformation . . . "
"You only have control over how you show up. It doesn't matter what's happening 'out there.' What matters is how you respond."
This has been a total game changer.
In each moment, regardless of how I feel, I ask myself "How do I want to show up?" And then I focus on how to give it my best.
Sometimes it's swallowing my pride or my personal preferences and being kind in the face of unkindness, or gracious in the face of chaos. Sometimes, when I realize I don't have the capacity to show up the way I know is most helpful, I have to take a moment to meditate, rest, play, cry, or dance until I am back in my power center and able to go back into the darkness with my own inner light.
I think all light workers are having this same basic experience right now. We have miles to go! There is no giving up or turning back. Only moments of pause to resource ourselves and then get back in the saddle and ride this baby out.
THIS IS WHAT WE SIGNED UP FOR!
If you are feeling a resonance with this, but having a hard time recalibrating and finding your sovereignty, power and grace in the face of so much chaos, please connect with me. My purpose is to help others find their sovereignty and to find their relationship with Source when the human experience brings amnesia and disconnect from our power.
If this all feels familiar, I have a gift for you. My gift to you is a complimentary, no obligation exploration of how I can help you to continue to find your power and shine your light no matter how hard things get.
TRUST ME, you're going to need to master this to ride the next long while like the badass light worker you came here to be.
And until we connect again . . .
May the Source be with you!
It was one of the first warm days of spring, and I was with my second grade class at recess. At the tender age of just eight years old, I had already started going through puberty. Not only was I a full head and shoulders taller than my classmates, I thought differently, (getting “Source” messages and seeing the world through my 3rd eye), and now I was going through a metamorphosis. It often felt like I was the main character in a Kafka novel. So, I already knew I didn’t fit in. “Weird” was commonly used to describe me, sometimes even by well-meaning people who loved me.
Timmy Loveless (perfect name, right?) pointed to my chest and said “You have boobies!” and laughed and then, soon, I was at the center of a circle of my classmates pointing and laughing. I wanted to curl up and die. I wanted to disappear. Forty years later, I still am unwrapping the “just disappear” response from my system.
Ridicule. It is possibly one of the most painful experiences we can face as humans. Most likely, it is what keeps us from stepping beyond our comfort zones, doing something our heart tells us because it may draw someone else’s harsh judgment.
I’ve heard many modern priestesses and “witchy” women talk about “the burning times,” acknowledging that the Sacred Feminine went underground because it was unsafe to stand in that power. “BUT,” they say, “the burning times are over!” Are they really?
Are “the burning times” really over?
Social media has become like a septic tank. Disconnected, stressed out, overwhelmed people are turning to it for so many reasons, and one of them seems to be dumping, without too much consequence, toxic emotions. It’s like road rage, except on steroids, and though you don’t run the risk of a car accident, there are harmful outcomes.
Being ridiculed (or even being seen as imperfect) used to be one of my worst fears that induced anxiety. My vulnerable “not good enough” wounding was already on hyper-alert, so not meeting the approval of my family or peers felt like death, and this is the deep psychological fear that gets activated with ridicule. Not so long ago, we relied on our tribe’s acceptance of us for survival. Banishing someone was, in actuality, a death sentence, and our DNA hasn’t really forgotten this.
In our bones there is a sense that if we are ridiculed, we will be outcast and die.
Based on what I have experienced for myself and supported hundreds of clients and friends through, it seems like there are a lot of ways that we, (especially womxn, and even more especially, BIPOC womxn), have shut down our voices, denied our authentic self-expression, kept ourselves from speaking up and speaking out, and not been willing to step into, fully own, and shine our power, wisdom, and gifts in the world because deep down, we can feel that . . .
the burning times haven’t ended, they’ve just evolved into trolls and toxic feeding frenzies.
Not so long ago, having ANYONE, even someone who didn’t know me, reflect something unkind felt devastating. It would get me right in that old wounding of “not good enough,” and it would take quite a bit of deep personal work to metabolize it so that I did not pass on the harm, or even return it to the sender.
In my commitment, as a leader, to be a safer person and a better ally, I have been in on-going process to release old programs that are unhealthy. Patriarchal, colonial, capitalist, “American,” human . . . Doing this deep inner work has allowed me to, more easily, stand in the face of someone else’s ridicule and respond so as to generate, or at lease open the door to, kindness, connection, and healing.
I was really blessed, recently, to have an opportunity to witness and heal that fear of ridicule even more fully . . . by having quite a bit of it coming at me. (Honestly, I think we’re literally not doing it “right” . . . at least according to the algorithms that run our social media show, if we’re not making someone angry.)
I was pleasantly surprised to find no response of defense, no self-protection, no upset, fear, or anxiety (which would have all been creating a knot deep in my stomach not so long ago). Instead, I found myself experiencing deep understanding, compassion, and loving kindness.
At first, I tried to respond with equanimity, but then realized there was a feeding frenzy going on and it was stirring up a lot of shit. I personally enjoyed many of the comments and found some of them amusing in many ways on the same level they were intended, and I realized that the “amusement” of others was based in anger and resentment and I knew I needed to take some space and not feed into it.
So, I sat with it; continued to just feel compassionate understanding, but no words, until I did my deep Sacred Feminine practice. It came to me what to say in response to all of the hateful and attacking things coming at me. Here’s what I wrote:
“First, I acknowledge and fully understand why and how you have the intense reactions and feelings you do about my post. There’s a lot of f’d up exploitation that feels intolerable and heart-breaking in me, too. No one with a heart or a conscience can witness what is happening right now without breaking inside. I understand your anger and judgment.
Thank you for releasing so much of your justified anger for me to be with. I feel no harm and make a commitment to not pass it on to anyone else or pass it back to you. Your anger is welcome here.
We are committed to create safe and sacred spaces for our diverse community to learn, heal, and grow together, because we value the potency and necessity of people from many different paths coming together to create a new reality, free from the divisiveness that we know our technocracy and social dilemmedia are conditioning us to recreate.
Please forgive me for not taking the time to read all of the comments. In fact, once I saw the general flavor of things, I stopped responding and very soon after that, stopped reading them altogether.
I’m heartbroken and most deeply and humbly ask for your forgiveness for any part of me that represents the violence, oppression, willful destruction, exploitation of, ugliness towards, unkindness, harmful action or deed against you or any of your ancestors, or relations.
I am committed to trade in my privilege for justice and peace and learning how to be a better ally to everyone.
Please forgive me for any way my actions, words, or behaviors have activated the ancestral or current trauma you face every day.
My prayer is that you find peace, ease, and comfort from the pain these unjust traumas have brought to you, and that I may play some small part in making that peace, ease, and comfort more accessible to you. Please let me know how I may assist that.
My devotion is to this mission: to create safe and sacred spaces for our diverse community to learn, heal, and grow, together. Our prayer, as a community, is for everyone to access their sovereignty and no longer fall subject to the oppression of anyone for any reason.
Our commitment is to engage with loving kindness and compassionate curiosity.
If you are willing to meet me in a place of loving kindness and compassionate curiosity, then I would be honored and delighted to respond to and answer to anything you need or want answered.
All who come in a good way are welcome.
If you are committed to generate more hate, anger, or divisiveness . . . I will graciously decline further dialogue.
Regardless of how you choose to move forward with this thread, I have only kind thoughts towards you, and pray for the health and well being of you and your relations.
May you thrive in peace and joy.”
There have been no further comments.
Shaming, mockery, and humiliation are all tools used by oppressors to dehumanize people, which facilitates atrocities against other human beings.
Creating a culture that embraces dignity, respect, and honoring basic human decency for all (maybe even going so far as to also be compassionate towards others who are different than us) is the only way to disallow inhumane realities for our human family.
What kind of culture are you feeding and growing? Are you indulging your personal pain by expressing it in unkind ways? If so, you are part of the problem. Your beliefs don’t make you better than anyone else. Your social status doesn’t make you more valuable. Clever words are not a cure. If there is anything that can actually set us apart as some sort of positive example, it is our behavior. How we act creates powerful reactions. Hateful, violent acts seem to generate more of the same. Loving kindness can stop immense toxicity in its tracks.
I would like to invite all who are called to take a stand for bringing kindness back, a reverence for life, human and otherwise. We are all so very quick to judge 45 for his toxic attacks, but if we’re involved in the same basic behavior, we have bought in to the whole program and are regenerating it and helping it to take over our humanity.
It’s really fucking hard to stop, take a deep breath, and choose the path of loving kindness in the face of so much pain, suffering, anger, fear, and ridicule. But this is the path of the true Sacred Rebel Priest:ess.
Stand in your truth, speak your truth, and meet all who come your way with reverence and an invitation to bring hard thoughts and feelings out of the shadows and into a sacred light that awakens our ability to live in peace amidst diversity. If we can’t master, or even just VALUE this, our days are truly numbered.
I have MILES to go in this quest to meet toxicity with an open heart and mind, but I know that the more of us who commit to learning how to be love Djedis, the better chance we have of healing what has been creating so much destruction and suffering in our world.
Will you join me?
“I commit to showing up with loving kindness for all I encounter.”
If you’re interested in being a part of a community committed to Loving Kindness and creating connection through learning, healing, and growing within diversity, please reach out. We’re here for you.
Read MoreInvitation for Well-Meaning Men
TRIGGER WARNING: Murder & Calling our brothers in for self-reflection.
There’s been a relationship dynamic that has emerged for me over the past few months. It is a quality that I’ve witnessed in many people, including myself, however, it seems to be pervasive and particularly powerful (and unapologetically expressed) in white men.
This week has been filled with an intense amount of emotional tenderness over traumas I’ve moved through in relationship to men who have been taught that their will and desire is the law of the land, and have been taught the value of dominance over reverence.
First I want to say that the men I’ve witnessed this dynamic in have a lot of really great qualities. I’ve seen a lot of helpfulness and generosity, and there’s even been elements of protectiveness and stepping in as providers. The toxic problem rears its ugly head when there is ANY request to reflect on behavior that may be (even unconsciously) having a negative impact on someone else (especially female identified beings).
There seems to be an idea, and I’ll stress again that I have seen it in LOTS of humans, myself included, but most pervasively, unapologetically defended, and toxically in white men, and this idea is that if you do a lot of really nice things, then that alleviates you from taking accountability for harm (even unintentional) you may be causing for someone else.
The request to look at this dynamic ended my last relationship swiftly and my simple request to acknowledge the impacts was met with a quick exit. The dynamic has come up in a male relative who has chosen to avoid a real healing moment by just sending some nice messages instead of actually acknowledging some toxic behavior.
This dynamic just arose again with a male “friend,” who had done, again, some really nice things, but then violated some boundaries. When I started to speak about the boundaries, there was an instant denial, minimizing, and now, several days later, I have received a lengthy diatribe that is toxic and attacking.
For me, personally, it touches on the traumas I’ve experienced since I was a child. A dominating father who always had to be right, and who imposed extreme punishments for the great sin of having a voice and speaking up for what I felt to be right. At thirteen, my mom’s sister was murdered by her husband, which was an even deeper message about the very real threat of going against the opinions of the “man of the house.”
I know that there are a lot of old pressures put on men from the past, and now the present, to show up in ways that are intense and even traumatizing. The same is true for women, and people of color, (well, people of color get this in spades, don’t they)? We as humans are all waking up from old, unhealthy expectations and pressures to be a certain way and prove ourselves in certain ways.
We’ve all learned unhealthy and inaccurate ways of proving ourselves and perceiving and engaging with others who are different from us.
We all need to be willing to take in the reflections from others when we are having an impact that we don’t intend. Most harm, I believe, is unintentional, but the harm will continue if it is met with denial, deflection, and diminishing the voice of the one who is asking for a change.
The biggest defense that has come up to me from the “harming” men in my life is “I have done all of these things for you! You must be ungrateful to accuse me of doing something ‘bad,’ when I’ve done so many nice things for you.”
MEN: YOUR GOOD DEEDS DON’T EXCUSE YOU FROM TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR HARM YOU CAUSE.
The “bread winner” doesn’t have permission to abuse his partner and children. The helpful friend doesn’t have permission to break boundaries.
Your harmful behavior doesn’t make you a bad person, and your good behavior doesn’t absolve you from the responsibilities of accounting for your harmful behavior.
I’ve really applied the pain from this toxic dynamic to myself as a white person. It doesn’t matter how many helpful or good things I may have done or be in the process of doing. If I create harm for a person of color, I still need to clean that shit up. It doesn’t make me a bad person; it makes me a human. The “badness” only comes in if I deny the harm based on my good intent and fail to grow and see where I am having a harmful impact.
MEN: You have been taught a LOT of fucked up things about the world. Some of those things you may not even realize you’ve been taught. Some of those things you may not even realize have become integrated into your thoughts, feelings, and justifications for your actions towards others. It is there. If you want to truly be a safe person, be willing to accept when someone, especially a woman or a person of color, shares with you that you have done something that needs some clean-up. Not intending to cause that harm is not the same as not causing harm.
Jeff Wright, the president of Medicine Path Native American Church says “Having a good excuse to behave badly is not the same as behaving well.”
Not intending to cause harm, and not realizing you’ve caused harm are not the same as not causing harm. You will never be able to grow into being a more safe human if you meet each reflection that includes a request for a shift in perspective and behavior with denial.
You may not mean it, men, but the message and impact you send when you deny your harmful impact is to shut down the voice of someone who has less privilege than you, which also sends a message that they are not valuable and their experience doesn’t matter.
The men who have recently caused harm and been in denial have activated in me a deep and tender vulnerable place. This week has been filled with tears. So many tears. And exhaustion. The trauma from the abuse as a child, and the subconscious message that men are out to literally kill the women they love . . . it’s all up in my face right now (or more accurately, my heart). The good news is, I know how to allow this to be a healing experience, even though it is just me in the dynamic to do the healing with (because the men have run away or proven to be unsafe and unavailable for actual healing), that is the most important focus. The message “men are not safe,” has been swirling through my mind, my emotions, and my body. I am doing my best to love it and let it go. I deeply desire, and need to feel safe with the masculine. I have beautiful brothers around me who are kind, loving, helpful . . . and because of the pervasive pattern, there is a deep voice in me I want to heal that says “If you go deep enough, that ugliness will rear its ugly head.” I pray to heal that up.
No one is responsible for healing my trauma from the past except for me. The intense feelings are so tender because of my past, and I acknowledge that. I’m not even angry at the former partner(s) and this most recent male acquaintance who can’t see what impact they are having on others, but I am fucking tired of seeing it happen over and over again. It rips me open and wears me out.
If someone says “I was hurt by something you did,” please do your best to be compassionate and curious to hear what they have to say. You are not being accused of being a “bad” person. You are being asked to be a safe person by learning about how you have played a role in causing harm.
I know the tendency to self-protect when faced with a situation where someone was harmed by something I did. It’s hard to hear. I consider myself a kind, loving, considerate person and it feels painful to learn that my good intentions have not only missed the mark, but have caused unintended damage. The only way to make it all feel better is to have the courage to soften and open and say “I’m sorry,” and “What can I do to make it better?” and then DO what it takes to make it better.
This has been welling up inside of me for days, and I pray that it creates some helpful expansion of thoughts, opening of perspectives, and softening of hearts.
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