10 Signs of Mind Control: Cult Deprogramming

By Amanda Eloesh

I didn't realize I had been raised in a cult, and even now, using that word seems a bit exaggerated, and yet every single mind control practice known was and is used by the religious organization I left when I was 19 years old, called the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, aka the Mormons or LDS for short.

I had questions from the age of seven, starting with why black men had not been allowed to hold the priesthood, which only grew as I got older, but there were still some things that crept in through the cracks and limited my thinking and my perceptions of myself like the fact that women weren't allowed the power of the priesthood at all.

My questions were met with shock and a bit of projected shame that in some ways made me feel like I just was odd and didn't fit in. I was constantly told I just needed to have faith, but I did actually have faith, I also had questions that just didn't ever add up based on my direct experiences of communing with the Holy. It has a frequency that is undeniable, and the explanations and suggestions from the church leaders didn't feel compelling.

I know that being a channel and having direct experiences of communion with the ineffable helped me to stay connected with a certain part of myself, and yet I suffered from incredibly low self-esteem that led to suicidal thoughts and even attempts starting at the age of ten.

At the age of 19, after promising my mom I would read all of the Mormon scriptures and truly pray about whether it is true or not, I found even more questions about what was said that was contradictory, what was practiced that seemed hypocritical, and again, the only admonition was to "just have faith," which, I did, but it wasn't in the Mormom church. My faith was in my own inner wisdom, so I left.

I have known all of my life that I am here to help people, and I have known all of my life that I've wanted the spiritual access that is available to me to be available to others because I have seen that when we can access our own inner truth, and make choices based on our authentic desires and values, free from manipulation, the diversity and freedom will bring about joy, creative innovation, and a thriving future for all life that is found in the most beautiful and healthy ecosystems.

As I have used my gifts and pursued an academic career as well as a spiritual path of deep initiations, I've been able to do some very deep deprogramming of myself and others. Even at 52 years old, I'm still releasing old blocks to my voice. It truly is a lifelong pursuit.

I have studied cults to get a better understanding of my own experience and to go over my own leadership and dogma-free church with a fine-tooth comb to make sure that what we are providing is truly liberating. Early on, Source wisdom sparked in me the value and guiding principle of focusing on doing my own work and offering what I can instead of seeking the trappings of success that seem stronger and stronger as Instagram and other social media platforms keep us looking at less and less authentic images of feathered and sacred geometry bejeweled influencers.

In my studies, I've found that many of the mind control tactics used by cults and high control organizations are found not only in many religious organizations, but schools, multi-level marketing organizations, governmental agencies, and within many families.

Once it's been buried into the psyche as a way of being, it's hard to get it out, and it becomes a system of operation that replicates itself into how we do everything. Even if you KNOW WHAT THE SIGNS ARE, it is really difficult to turn the mirror on yourself - that's the insidious control that cults exercise.

If you are part of a community (from family to business to religion to self-help/lifestyle group) where you feel like who you naturally are needs to be hidden, denied, annihilated, or even watered down to be accepted, then there are mind control influences at play. They may not be intentional - as I said, once we've been programmed, we will likely create from that system of thinking no matter how hard we try not to.

There are loads of helpful resources, books, articles out there to help you understand cults better, and I encourage you to do a really thorough self inventory from your nuclear family to your friendships and all the way through your work and other associations. It is very much a virus that has made its way into most of our lives.

Here are 10 signs to look for:

    • Expectations to just believe without any observable results

    • Any use of shame or guilt to motivate behavior

    • Punishments for feeling or believing differently

    • Pressure to defer your own inner wisdom to leaders

    • Pressure to put yourself in a compromising or harmful situation to serve the organization

    • Going from love-bombing to treating members as "less than"

    • Creating environments that deprive and overwork the body, mind, and spirit over prolonged periods of time, especially followed by pressure to make commitments (donations, service, etc)

    • Circular logic that never allows for clear answers

    • Lack of transparency from leaders about finances, education, etc.

    • Teaching that you need someone else to show you the way vs. encouraging you to build your confidence and be accountable for your own behavior and decisions (AND holding EVERYONE to that standard)

And if you do find that you are unable to express yourself authentically, and are held back by shame or other fears from mind control practices from religion or simply an authoritarian caretaker, reach out. We are familiar with the fears, pains, and challenges of leaving a high control religious group / cult.

We have attracted quite a few folks who were able to break free from cults and found Living Wisdom ceremonies to be a safe space to discover and honor their own values and inner wisdom and get some deep healing to the religious trauma they endured.

This can show up incredibly painfully in romantic relationships, and if you suspect it's having an impact on your marriage / partnership, please make sure to claim a free discovery call to explore your challenges and goals with us today:

When you come to a ceremony with us, you are encouraged to follow your own inner guidance. Even in our medicine ceremonies, you are welcomed to ingest as much or as little (even nothing at all) as you want, and to simply use our preparation and integration practices as an inspiration for your own journey.

Our preparation is extensive and publicly available. We have hosted atheists, Christians, Buddhists, Pagans, and agnostics. We've hosted folks from all walks of life from all over the world. One of the most common things we hear is "I feel at home here."

We know that belonging is one of the greatest human needs, and one of the greatest human wounds. We know this wounding has been used to take advantage of folks who simply want to be a part of something greater than themselves and to be loved. At Living Wisdom, we are in service to create the safe and sacred spaces for our diverse community to learn, heal, and grow together, and we pray to continue to do that for many years to come.

You're invited to get on our mailing list (and get a valuable guide for working masterfully with Entheogens / plant medicine / psychedelics): . You'll get updates about our monthly gatherings: Vegetarian Potlucks, Cacao + Sonic Medicine Sound Healing, and our day-long plant medicine ceremonies with Huachuma (aka San Pedro / mescaline) and Acacia and Syrian Rue (Ayahuasca analogue / DMT).

We're passionate about providing extensive and valuable preparation and integration support so your spiritual journey (with or without Entheogens) is safe and in service to your unique gifts, wounds, and values.

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The Cost of Not Getting Help

By Amanda Eloesh
In 2005 I got really sick and spent about 9 months and a few thousand dollars trying to deal with it myself.
I didn't have health insurance and I was afraid of paying out of pocket.
I did all sorts of cleanses and elimination diets, deep candida flush . . .
I was exhausted, irritable, and miserable.
Finally, a friend offered to pay for me to go to a doctor. I saw Dr. Morgan Camp, an integrative medicine doctor. He ran some tests and put me on a few very simple (non pharmaceutical) supplements and a healthy diet, and within a week I felt better than I had in a year.
I thought of all the time and money I wasted dealing with the problem myself when I could have just gotten help to begin with.
The total bill? A whopping $700 with all of the tests and supplements. The costs to me were far more than 10x that.
I learned my lesson. Instead of struggling with something I don't know how to remedy, invest in the help from someone who knows what they're doing.
I often hear "I want to work with you. I just can't afford it right now." And I think of all the time and other direct and indirect expenses that people put their money into that won't get them where they want to be.
Here's just a little average run down of what we spend in the US to deal with our problems . . .
$7000 per year on therapy (which is proven to be about as effective as a placebo)
$5000 per year on retail therapy
$2000 health remedies
$2800 self-indulgences to avoid pain (like alcohol, comfort foods, and distractions from feeling your feelings)
$15,000 divorce/break-up
My average client works with me for 3 months, experiences major breakthroughs they never thought possible, learn how to continue to heal and grow on their own after our work is complete, and spends less than $4k.
So, take a moment to really think about what costs you're incurring by putting off getting help to heal at the core.
If you are ready to explore how I can help you, here's your first step (and it's free): Let's talk!

Schedule some time now for this no-obligation exploration.

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Your Feelings Are Valid

By Amanda Eloesh

Your feelings are a real and valid gauge that tells you what’s going on in your system. You can rely on them to give you honest feedback about your internal systems and responses to external stimuli.


What you TELL yourself about your feelings . . . that’s another story. What you tell yourself about other people who catalyze certain feelings . . . that, too, is another story. And I do mean story.


We have old conditioning and programs that are wrapped around emotional responses. We have old stories that are tied to old traumas that we try to forecast so we can avoid them in the future, but those programs and forecasts end up being the exact thing that perpetuates them.


If you can unwrap the the stories, what’s underneath is really helpful energy that tells you when you’re overwhelmed, when you need to speak up, when you need a break, when you need a hug . . . 


Clean and clear requests that others can take in and respond to positively come from being able to peel back the stories and really listen to what’s underneath. Usually it’s something vulnerable that would rather defend, get angry, blame, attack, or blanket itself in a victim story.


Your feelings are real. Your stories when you are having hard feelings are programs that keep you from knowing what you need and keep you from making those clean, clear and effective requests.


If you can release judging yourself and others, blaming yourself and others and simply get curious about what you’re feeling, give yourself permission to fully feel those feelings, and ask yourself what you need to take care of your feelings, then follow through, you’ll find that your feelings are a really helpful ally that can support having better self-care, better, boundaries, and stronger relationships.


If you would like support in accessing your feelings, stop blaming other people for your feelings, and learn how to use your feelings to do deep, empowering healing, let's talk!

Free Discovery Call to explore what's possible for you:


Learn more about Amanda Elo'Esh and get your gift: Elevationship: Replace Conflict with Greater Intimacy:

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The Beauty of Ugly Crying

By Amanda Eloesh
I used to be ashamed of crying, especially in public. I thought it was ugly. I thought it was weak.
As a kid, I was threatened with something "real" to cry about when tears came up, so I shoved it down deep and learned how to face pain and challenges without feeling sorrow or grief.
I learned to value this ability and saw it as strong. I was impervious. I learned how to stop letting things in that could hurt me. I felt so safe behind the walls. I thought this was the true sign of emotional accomplishment.
Even long after I realized that crying was actually a really helpful thing, and that I did actually have feelings, I couldn't cry. It took a very long time of giving myself permission before I finally felt safe enough to let it go in front of other people.
My grief was one of the last parts of me to be rediscovered and set free, and while these feelings are not "pleasant," I find them so deeply touching, healthy, and life giving. There is a sense of relief even in the sadness, because it is real, and real feels relieving to me. Reality is comforting to me.
Now, I still feel pretty ugly when I cry, but I also feel the beauty of it. I feel deeply vulnerable, but that also feels very strong to me, and in these moments of tapping into my most tender feelings, I feel so alive and even more intimately attuned with Source / everything that is greater than me that wishes me well.
The tearing open brings me deep into relationship with myself, and the Beloved that is the Holy.
I am so grateful to cry now, and I share this most vulnerable and precious gift with you. 

If you would like more access to your feelings, let's talk. Schedule some time here >>>

If you'd like to connect with a healing way of relating to yourself and others that supports feeling your feelings without holding them back for others, I have a gift for you: Elevationship: Replace Conflict with Greater Intimacy.  (

It's a guide to help you to experience every challenge (especially in relationships with others) as an opportunity to get in touch with your feelings (emotional/physical expressions) and do deep healing with them.

May it serve you in your spiritual, emotional, relational journey!

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Your Trauma is Exhausting

By Amanda Eloesh

If you are dealing with trauma, you know it kind of goes without saying that it gets exhausting, but are you aware of how much energy your system is putting into holding the flood of emotions back, pushing down the memories, defending against future attacks and plastering a happy "got my shit together" front to get through each day?

The impact of trauma (the chronic trauma from being a human, especially a woman in the 21st century, or the many other ways it shows up from childhood and adulthood) really hit me this past Saturday as we started to do the breath, movement, and energy practices for the Open Source Voice Activation mini-retreat.

The women started out saying they were inspired to come because they felt like their voice was shut down in some way and they wanted to wake it back up. What unfolded was not what I expected.

I'd imagined us doing some deep clearing, energy release, and then getting really active with our bodies and voices, but what happened was shocking, but then, as I really tuned in, realized it wasn't surprising at all.

As we got deep down into the self-expression blocks, each of the women, having the invitation to honor their inner wisdom, laid down and went into deep rest.

What was uncovered collectively was that all of the defenses and hyper-vigilance and effort to appear "okay" on top of old unresolved trauma needed a rest.

This is not the first time that coming into our safe and sacred space led to an unexpected, but much needed rest.

I've facilitated several private ceremonies where my client just went into a deep sleep that allowed her to really release some things that hadn't ever felt safe enough to let go of. I sat by her side, wrapping her in healing energy, my presence, and real blankets as she renewed in ways she never had before.

"They're exhausted!" is what Source whispered to me. So, instead of moving forward trying to wake everything up I listened and honored what was needed. A moment in the sacred feminine container to let the walls come down, the appearances to fade, and a deep renewing pause happened as I dropped into an impromptu sound healing.

So many old griefs, untold stories, unfelt sorrows and angers were able to flow out with tears and uncensored words that finally had a place to be heard, honored, released, and composted.

Trying to live life while also carrying around trauma is not just exhausting, it is not sustainable. 

Give yourself permission to be held and to let what has been hidden to be revealed. Of course, when and where is important.

Sometimes expecting someone else to hold space can pass the trauma and heaviness on. It takes a very special presence to be able to assist the release and elevation of the heavy and toxic energies so many of us are carting around, often unconsciously.

Our Open Source Voice Activation Mini-Retreats, apparently, are a beautiful place to let yourself be vulnerable, authentic, without pressure to say or do or be anything other than what is real in the moment.

We also find very similar responses in our sacred plant medicine ceremonies.

Sometimes before we can fly and belt out our songs, we have to find deep stillness, a moment to come to rest, a space to really unburden ourselves, and then discover what can occupy the spaciousness within us when we are not filled up with trauma, stress, and anxiety.

You are warmly invited to explore the different safe and sacred spaces we create to help you get exactly what you need so you can be free of the toxic trauma, and wake up to what light and gifts are inside of you that have been drowned out by the pain.

Check out the dates for our upcoming Open Source: Voice Activation Mini-Retreats:

And if a really deep dive is calling, consider applying for one of our sacred medicine ceremonies:

If you'd like personal support, there's a free discovery call to explore ways I can help you release trauma and really discover what's possible from that new space no longer occupied by wounds. You'll find that free call here:

Whatever it is you do, give yourself the gift of really being able to be held so that your nervous system and all that is stuck in fight/flight mode can take a much needed break.

Your life is sacred and your well-being is worthy.

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The Non-Prophet Nonprofit

By Amanda Eloesh

“Have you ever felt like you might be the reincarnation of Joseph Smith?”

A few years ago, a friend messaged me on Facebook asking me if I felt any special connection with Joseph Smith (the first prophet of the Mormon church). I replied “Well, other than the fact that I was born and raised Mormon, no not really. Why?!”

She responded: “Have you ever felt like you might be the reincarnation of Joseph Smith?”

Me: “Uh, emphatically, no.”

But as I have thought about it, and learned more about the hidden origins of Joseph Smith as a “prophet,” and founding the Mormon church, I DO feel like I am definitely here to clean up some serious bad karma on behalf of my LDS lineage.

{The following has proven to be true through state, county, and city records and published in multiple publications, but I got the download from a fascinating book called “The Psychedelic History of Mormonism, Magic, & Drugs.”}

Here are some interesting parallels and mirrors between me and Joseph: 

Joseph Smith founded a church and so did I.

Joseph Smith allegedly founded this church because he didn’t find what he was looking for when it came to the word of God (though if you look at the arc of his life from salesman to conman to convict on the verge of being jailed and banned, it appears more that he claimed to be a prophet so he could claim religious practices as a way to “get out of jail free”).

I founded a church, in part, because I also felt there was something missing in the world: a dogma-free community that came together do to accomplish good and learn, heal, grow, and pray together without requiring the conformity of specific practices, belief systems, political leanings, diets, or clothing.

Joseph Smith used local plants to make psychedelic wine that he served to his members, pretending his personal power and relationship with God was the portal to these experiences.

I make sacred medicine (sometimes referred to as “psychedelic,” though I prefer more respectful terms like Entheogens) from sometimes local, but at least sustainable and environmentally kind sources, and provide comprehensive information about the medicine, how to prepare, how to work with it in a safe and sacred way, and am completely transparent about all of the elements that are a part of our ceremonies.

Joseph Smith used manipulation and hypocritical, high demands of his members to maintain his power (again, all of this is fairly easily found in local records if you’re interested in actually seeking it out) and pay his debts.

I walked myself through all of the practices and experiences I provide for our community members for years and did deep inner work (and continue to do deep inner work) before ever serving medicine to anyone. I’ve gone into debt at times to keep our doors open and provide services to our community. I believe that when people feel safe to be themselves, authentically, and can listen to Source/God (whatever name an individual has for that which is greater than them that wishes them well), we all benefit, even if we don’t agree.

I genuinely believe, now, that I do have a special connection with Joseph Smith.

Not necessarily as his reincarnation, but, again, as someone who agreed to be of service and help to clean up some of the immense bad karma created from the horrible lies, manipulation, coercion, and other atrocities committed by Joseph Smith and his henchmen.

It broke my heart to learn about all of the terrible things that were done, specifically by Mormons, in the name of God, but really for the sake of money and power.

I would guess this is why an unusual amount of people who have been traumatized by religion, cults, high demand / high control groups are attracted to our ceremonies. We provide a sense of safety and belonging as well as a sense of personal freedom and acceptance.

So, Living Wisdom is the Non-Prophet nonprofit, the non-cult of Inalienable Sovereignty, and TODAY IS LIVING WISDOM’S BIRTHDAY! We are 6 years old!

We survived (just barely) the pandemic, and continue to grow our community despite the many plot twists and turns of life.

We are attracting really amazing folks from all walks of life, from a 10 year old boy who comes and cry and release his fears and anger at our Cacao + Sonic Medicine ceremonies, to military veteran of color who report to have healed his PTSD in a single medicine ceremony.

If you would like to be a part of something very special that is here to serve as a safe and sacred space for diverse community to learn, heal, and grow together (sometimes with Entheogens, but ALWAYS with consent), we have a gift for you.

We have a free Patreon membership that offers some helpful guided meditations, articles, and other resources:

And join our mailing list (believe me, I’m too busy to be too annoying with the emails) to learn about our upcoming gatherings, including our plant medicine ceremonies: (you’ll get the Essential Entheogen Guide as a gift when you get on our mailing list, so look for it in your inbox/spam).

We have loads of free offerings and try to provide something for everyone, even those not interested or able to heal with Entheogens.

We hope to pray with you soon, and until we connect . . . Happy birthday to us, and May the Source Be with You!

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Spending Time with Yourself: Love it or Hate it?

By Amanda Eloesh

Do you enjoy time alone? Do you need it or endure it?


As a kid who was way outside the box, seeing fairies & God on the reg, & without siblings my age, I found a lot of joy in time alone making magic & exploring my imagination.


I had plenty of friends, but I also really loved it when I could just be in the flow & let my inspirations take me down creative rabbit holes & chase unicorns.


I loved to just ride my bike & explore, & meander down magical trails. I loved reading books & creating things with my hands like artwork, sewing projects, or journaling about my dreams & visions.


Forty years later, it’s not much different. I tend towards oracles, manifestation rituals (with or without origami) & sound healing explorations instead of sewing, riding my bike is still a great joy, & while I didn’t know the word “meditation” or have a formal practice as a kid, I did let my mind go to places that were beyond words, & I still do that in many ways today with countless meditation, subconscious healing, & energy practices.


I do love spending time with my preferred peeps, but I cherish the time I get to just be with me, & forty years later, I love me even more than ever.


If you have a hard time being alone, but would like to learn how to embrace it, and use it as an opportunity to cultivate self-love, self-care, and discovering the magical wonderland of your imagination, let's talk!  Schedule a free discovery call today:

And exlplore more about my work with couples here:

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Facing my Privilege

By Amanda Eloesh

Without intending to, I’ve often pushed people’s buttons because I won’t stay in my prescribed box.

My questions about practices vs. scripture at church, my questions about unfair treatment of boys vs. girls in my friends’ homes, . . . the only place those probing questions were appreciated was at school.

Being “weird” was so usual for me I felt like a sell-out any time I did actually fit in.

As I got older and especially after I moved from Utah to California, I didn’t seem to ruffle so many feathers, and when it did happen, it didn’t feel so earth shattering anymore. It was just "who I am."

As I followed the spiritual breadcrumbs guiding my life path and my purpose work, I found myself with a medicine ministry that I hadn’t sought out, but felt perfectly aligned with. I’d studied and learned so much and  done so much healing through indigenous healing lineages, most of which work with plant medicines.

When I started serving Medicine, it wasn’t so common as it is now, and there was a deep and humble gratitude for being seen by my teachers and given this honor to serve.

I felt more at home than ever before, and then, just as my medicine ministry was taking off, the public conversation about white privilege and appropriation of First Nations and Indigenous folks came in strong and I once again found myself ruffling feathers, but this time it rocked me to the core of my being. 

From the time I was able to even understand the differences in race and see inequality, I questioned it (it was some of what rocked the boat as a kid speaking out against what I saw to be unjust). So it felt unbearably painful to think I was doing something that now made me “the bad guy.” I knew I was called to it, and knew Source and the Medicine had called me, but my still fragile ego couldn’t bear even the unspoken, assumed criticism about my purpose work as a medicine woman, let alone the personal attacks.

I decided to stop serving medicine and find another path.

I understand the anger over the horrific and intentional annihilation of not only the Indigenous people of color, but the intentional annihilation of the languages and cultures as well. So much of what I learned (and grieved) about indigenous studies was all of the beauty and sacredness that was a part of each day from waking up, to growing food and fetching water, to rites of passage, and now it is disappearing rapidly with our natural lands and AI run systems.

Every day I ache at the ignorance of white, patriarchal greed, domination, and power and what it has destroyed. My love and resonance for Indigenous perspectives is what led me to do what I do, so it was horrifying to imagine that I was offending cultures I had deep respect for. I understood, and it broke my heart. 

It took the loving and insistent support of a man of color who is a close friend and part of my medicine ministry. He saw me and reflected the nonsense I was telling myself about ending my ministry just as it was getting going.

I went into  deep prayer and meditation to ask how to come to terms with the position I was in. This is what came:

“You are here to serve. You are not here to impress other people or stroke your ego. You have never fit in a box, and you aren’t going to now either. You’ve been healed by the Medicine and you’ve been called by the Medicine, and it is the Medicine that truly chooses those who serve. No one owns the rights or the privilege to serve Medicine - that is from the entitled mind that has disconnected from the Sacred. Do not listen to it regardless of where it comes from. Be loving and gracious, release your own inner shame and shadow and continue to welcome others with love, compassion, and grace, even when they are unkind to you, and let the Medicine take care of the rest.”

So I did as I was told and almost immediately the negative comments (mostly coming from white folks) came to a halt. I still have folks who are interested in knowing my background, and I am always so honored to share, and peaceful in my heart knowing there has only ever been a desire to serve as I have been called.

I do continue to understand and echo the anger over the destruction and exploitation of so many of the sacred ways of so many peoples and cultures, especially those who had no say in the matter. We all have truly lost what is most important to us, and it is my own personal quest to remember to live my life in a sacred way. 

To remember to greet the day with gratitude, feed the earth, sing to the wind, honor the water, and stoke the fire with dance and stories . . .  I often forget and get swept up in the illusions of modern, westernized survival, but I also often remember to feed the Holy, starting with the sacred life I’ve been given, and listening to the profound messages of everything that is greater than me that wishes me well.

It has often ruffled feathers, but sometimes that’s exactly what’s needed before taking flight into something better.


If you'd like to learn more and apply to attend our small medicine gatherings in Calistoga, California, visit

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The Cage of Perfection

By Amanda Eloesh
As a kid, I was gifted & put into programs to nurture my gifts. It was unusual for the public school system in Salt Lake City, Utah in the mid-70's.
Despite all the reflections that I had the ability to stretch outside the usual boxes, I suffered from serious self-worth issues, & one of the consequences was that I thought I had to be perfect just to be worthy of being alive.
While this perfection pushed me academically, it also led to severe impairments. As I got older & quit winning every competition I entered, I quit pushing myself. Basically, if there was a chance I could fail, ESPECIALLY if there was any chance I would let anyone down, I didn't try.
What was the consequence of making a public mistake? Deep down it felt like a death sentence.
Something I couldn't even allow myself to ponder it was so painful.
Then one day I discovered my husband was using methamphetamines. The details are too dark & toxic to recount, but in an instant, I had to rely on the help of others to make it, & I couldn’t hide.
I needed a restraining order, places to stay, legal advice, & guidance to navigate all of the bizarre hazards that had been set up to keep everyone out of the toxic waste den my ex had created. It was the nightmare version of "A Beautiful Mind."
I learned to humble, allow myself to be human, have needs, stop pretending anything in my life was anything close to perfect, & start getting help.
Not just from friends . . . I started getting visions, again in the form of Sacred Feminine Archetypes. At first, it was Kali Ma, then Spider Woman, & then the Muse . . . little by little, as I put my life together, & surrendered myself to the fact that I was not in fact a lone wolf, able to live my life without a misstep, I really started to live.
I embraced my new relationship with the Goddess in all of her many forms, & I started to learn how to embrace being human & making mistakes.
I have definitely made mistakes, & I have definitely let people down, but I have also lived a life full of adventure, & even more important, a life of learning & growth. I would have done very little learning & growing had I not broken through the cage of perfectionism.
Playing it safe all the time is not the path of a leader or a change maker, & I have both in my bones & blood.
I still hate to disappoint people & fall short, but I know, without a doubt, I've been able to help far more than I've ever let down because I was willing to push the edges of the illusion of perfection & really live a human life full of folly & grace outside the cage of prefectionism.
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Practical Magic

By Amanda Eloesh
My Mormon Mom was also a Magician - not the kind that pulled rabbits out of hats (that was actually my Dad).
My Mom had a way of manifesting amazing experiences, like birthday parties everyone in the neighborhood wanted to come to, and finding a way to pay for things that, honestly, we couldn’t afford.
My Mom practiced money magic . . .
Which was a combination of disciplined money management, wise planning, commitment to offering 10% of our often insufficient income to those who had less than us, and prayer.
We grew up pretty poor as a family of seven in Salt Lake City, Utah in the early 70’s with just my Dad’s meager income. My stay-at-home Mom sewed most of our clothes and actually reupholstered and painted our furniture to keep it looking up to date.
While I was one of the poorest kids on the block, a lot of the kids thought I was one of the richest because of all that my Mom did to turn our very sparse resources into abundance.
I learned early on that money wasn’t what determined your joy.
My Mom also knew how to bring magic into every day with treasure hunts and fun games that always fed my creativity.
My connection with the fairy realms, chasing elves and dwarves, and keeping my own magic alive, while not always understood, was given a lot more nourishment than I would guess most kids in similar circumstances got.
An unusual combination of the practical & magic
Because of this unusual mixture of magic and resourcefulness, I’ve been able to live an extraordinary life.
I’ve traveled the world, taken part in sacred gatherings that have opened me up to the multi-dimensional, mystical realms. I’ve studied with a rich array of world class teachers from around the world and many different wisdom lineages.
I’ve been invited into exquisite and rare ceremonies, and been to places that few people ever get to know about, let alone visit.
It’s a unique combination of practical planning and resourcefulness mixed with true magic assisted by the spirits and sprites of the 4th & 5th dimensions that has given me the life of adventure, travel, and getting backstage access.
I’ve truly lead a rich and magical life, and as opposed to a lot of people who purchase exclusive experiences with power and money, I’ve learned to open the doorways to magic and delight with my authentic presence, (and flashing my Rainbow Unicorn Catching License - they DO exist and I do have one).
Are you someone who believes that magic exists, but want to find a grounded approach to manifesting new possibilities with the help of the multiverse? Are you also practical and want to see observable results?
You've landed in the sweet spot!

Here's a gift to get you one step closer to your own daily mastery of practical magic. A free discovery call to explore how you can access your greatest potential in the next 90 days.

It's a non-pushy, no obligation call (but not a free session). I look forward to exploring what magic we can find together!

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“Baby, I was born this way!”

By Amanda Eloesh

"You're either a shaman or a serial killer"

I’ve been told by more than a few astrologers that I have an “intense chart,” especially marked by a Scorpio Moon, which, I’ve heard more than once makes you "either a shaman or a serial killer" . . . mostly because it takes you deep into the darkness, emotionally, and I guess you either sink in and let it consume you, or you learn to swim, shine your light, and bring some healing to the hidden places.


Some of the people I share this astrological marker with . . . Beyoncé, Lady Gaga, Scarlett Johansson, Cyndi Lauper, Bruce Lee . . . 


And it makes a lot of sense. Early on, I was fascinated with the criminal mind and thought I would work with and heal serial killers (you gotta cut me some slack . . . I was only 10 years old, but oh my ego ran wild).


Then I realized that the fascination was heavy and created a dark cloud that impacted me and I also realized “Why not use my gifts to help those who actually strive to rescue their own light and let it shine?" Instead of stroking my ego and trying to crack the sociopathic mind, I chose to lift up those who are already working to make the world a better place, but stuck in their own unsolicited pain and suffering. 


Sociopaths or Healers?







So, I shifted focus. I did 11 years of child welfare, much of the time on the Emergency Response and Sexual Abuse teams. Bringing calm and care to people in crisis. At times, even my Scorpio Moon got overwhelmed with the constant immersion in the worst of the worst case scenarios, and I tried to leave. I applied for (and was offered) multiple jobs that had more prestige, paid better, and were MUCH safer (even police officers told me they wouldn’t want my job because they got to sometimes respond to enjoyable calls and they got to carry guns for their protection). Each time I was offered a “better” job, I would get the dreams that would let me know I was still needed where I was.


Then one day, Source tapped me on the shoulder and said “You’re free. You can do anything you want.” 


That’s when I quit my job, went to California Institute of Integral Studies, and officially started my path as a healer, forging my own offerings and finding my way outside the 9-5 income and the constant exposure to crisis.


Freedom wasn't the magical ride I'd assumed


I can’t say it was all rainbows and unicorns. The entrepreneurial struggle with absolutely no exposure to anything beyond blue collar work from my parents (and not much support in my education after high school) was real.


My Scorpio Moon made for a powerful life of diving into the depths of the darkness, in relationships and finding my way as a spiritual guide and entrepreneur.


I guess all of the big, expansive “good luck” of the Sagittarius Sun & Ascending helps to bring the light and the positivity needed to navigate those depths.


Dark Nights of the Soul


And I have plumbed the depths - my own dark nights of the soul (multiple) have taken me into suicidal thoughts (and even attempts starting at age 12), but I’ve also reached profound heights of truly communing with Source, experiencing the ecstasy of Samadhi union with the limitless presence of the Holy. I’ve been shown some of the secrets of life and manifestation, and have experienced miracles that would be difficult to believe (so I don’t often talk about them).


I know we all have free will, and I do take accountability for the incredible life I’ve lived and the choices I've made, but I do feel like I was born with a particular human design that has helped me to become the powerful space holder that I am today. 


Bringing light to the darkness


I have yet to meet a client I can’t completely love and embrace with compassion and there isn’t a person in my past I can’t completely forgive with deep understanding, and there hasn’t been a person who’s come to ceremony I couldn’t hold with love and respect, regardless of their own self-judgment.


So, my Scorpio Moon may mean that dancing with me on any level of intimacy, as a dear friend, a partner, or a client, is an unspoken ticket into the depths of the subconscious mind, a releasing of the skeletons in the closet, and dancing with the demons until they've got all their ya-ya's out, but I’m also designed to be a bringer of love, light, and compassion into those deep, dark places.


I've come to do major clean up on aisle 4 (and so have you)


It’s definitely a “wild” ride, but I can’t imagine experiencing life any other way. It took a long time to find my way out of the darkness and into the light of embracing my life as the sacred gift it is, and now that is one of the most important messages I want everyone to really take in, and I think this is a theme for the Scorpio Moon journey, as one of the most iconic of our tribe so beautifully expressed . . . 

"There's nothing wrong with loving who you are"

She said, "'Cause He made you perfect, babe

So hold your head up, girl, and you'll go far"

Listen to me when I say . . . Baby I was born this way.” ~ Lady Gaga

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First Year Back to Burning Man in 14 Yrs . . . National Disaster or Treasure?

By Amanda Eloesh


In the scorching heart of Black Rock City in the Nevada desert, where dust and dreams collide, I found myself standing beneath the glaring sun, gazing at the familiar, surreal landscape of Burning Man. It had been 14 long years since my last venture to this epic festival, and a staggering 25 years since my very first attendance. You could say I’m an OG Burner, well-versed in the ethos of radical self-reliance, community, and the gifting economy. But my return wasn’t driven by nostalgia or a mere desire for revelry. No, it was a calling-a deeply aligned mission guided by Source.


In the 14 years away from the playa, I embarked on sacred pilgrimages internationally, spoke internationally, built a thriving 6-figure business, was initiated into serving sacred plant medicine and would serve over a thousand souls, and underwent profound personal transformations. I moved four times, launched multiple side businesses, and founded the non-profit organization, Living Wisdom.

Each step of this journey prepared me for what was to come . . .


This year, the cosmic dance of destiny took hold, and Source whispered, “It’s time.” And so, I returned to Burning Man, not as a mere participant (there are no observers at the ‘Man) but as a guardian of serenity, stationed at the Tea Tyger Tea Lounge-a sanctuary amidst the chaos (HUGE THANKS TO OSHAN and the lead crew). Here, we shared teas from traditions around the world, plus our unique Go Ask Alice Oracle & Tea Party offering. Musicians serenaded us with world music, and guests found solace and tranquility amid the metaphorical and literal storms that brought flooding and chaos to the playa.


As record-breaking rains descended and ankle-deep mud became the norm, I didn’t see disaster; I saw an opportunity. Amid the chaos, my heart was filled with peace, and I felt even more affirmed in my calling to be of service. Warm smiles, comforting tea, and a dry haven became the highlights of our sanctuary. Many proclaimed it the best thing on the playa. We provided refuge to those rained out of their camps, showcasing the enduring spirit of community and kindness.

During my time away from the Tea Tyger Lounge, I still offered a presence of peace, love, and calm along with my partner, Dr. Matthew, and those we found ourselves circling with. We brought light amidst the darkness, comfort amidst the turmoil. There was no doubt why I had gotten the strong push to return this year.


I couldn’t help but reminisce about the early days when comfort was scarce, and survival depended on the kindness of strangers. At Living Wisdom, we embrace the concept of “sur-thriving”-not merely surviving but thriving through service, weaving the prayers, talents, and even shadow of community to create a strong basket that holds us all tight.


In a world that often sensationalizes misery and strife, Burning Man showed me the real magic: camaraderie, generosity of spirit, open hearts, and the true essence of community. It’s a reminder that focusing on service, rather than personal gratification, brings profound fulfillment. When your soul resonates with service, paradise can be found anywhere, whether in the heart of the desert and the rain-soaked, muddy plains, or on the prosperous land we reside in: Napa Valley, California. Burning Man, once again, reignited the flame of purpose within my heart, and I left with a renewed commitment to my calling, forever a Burner at heart, forever in service by calling.

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Why I said “No” to Dave Navarro: 3 Ways You’re Blocking Success

By Amanda Eloesh
Dave Navarro Amanda



It was a beautiful Spring day at Esalen. I'd had a week of cultivating my 6-figure business, and had been basking in the healing waters and landscape of this world renown retreat center, offering my sound healing for a week-long workshop (Eileen Barker & Michael Gelbart: Path of Forgiveness). It was an epic time in my life.

Dave Navarro had been a part of this transformational week together and had given me repeated high praise for my sonic medicine, we'd done collages side-by-side, swapping silly stories . . . I felt like I was in a dream. But it wasn't a dream. It was my amazing life.

And then the moment came . . . Dave and I are sitting together for a musical performance and he asks me, "Would you be available to do a private ceremony with me?"

A world famous musician, whose music was a favorite for years, has just asked to become a private client and I said . . . "I'm really busy right now, I don't think I can."


Did I REALLY just tell Dave Navarro I was too busy for his business? Yes, I did.

WHY on earth did I say that?

Here's the nitty gritty on what possessed me to turn an opportunity of a lifetime . . . and the 3 things you may be doing that are keeping you from success:

1. You're uncomfortable with things being "too good."

When things are going great, you're looking for the rug to be pulled out from under you. You just know that your luck is about to change, so you can't let in what's being offered you in the moment. Truth is, no one's luck stays on the constant upswing. We have ups and downs, ins and outs. We win and we lose. BUT, if you are unable to truly relish what's right in front of you that's amazing because you are too afraid of losing it, the downs will come a lot sooner than necessary, and you'll miss out on the deliciousness of the feast laid out for you now.

I have had to do a LOT of work on my "not good enough" wounding to be able to actually allow in pleasure, golden opportunities, and goodness to my life. Dave's request tipped my happiness and prosperity scales to "TILT!" and I just couldn't let it in.

[I did later come back and apologize, and also asked permission to share about this experience, which Dave graciously and enthusiastically gave the thumbs up on.]

2. You're secretly afraid to step outside your comfort zone.

Have you ever seen this graphic?

If you always stay within your comfort zone, it'll require a true intervention of supernatural forces to get you to the next level in your personal development.

I never want to disappoint anyone, but I realized a while back that if you never take a risk at helping someone (or yourself) achieve something phenomenal, you're never going to accomplish the phenomenal. Everyone I look up to has said at some point that they fail far more often than they succeed, and the only difference between those who succeed and those who do not is the commitment to get up after evert fall and try again.

Truth be told, I was afraid I just couldn't offer the world class care that someone like Dave Navarro would want. And he wouldn't have asked me if he didn't feel confident I COULD offer what he wanted.

3. You're not taking care of yourself.

Whenever things get slow in my flow of clients and aligned work, you are likely getting a gift from Source. YES! A GIFT!

Usually it is a signal that you need to drop deep into self care. Just before Dave Navarro told me my voice took him to the same place that DMT does, I had been working with that inner worrier that was telling me I was taking too much time in the pools ("You should go write a blog or newsletter or something!" it had been nagging at me).

I decided to push beyond the "Gotta work hard to deserve this amazing experience," and really dropped into deep self care. That evening, I was in a blissful, open place, and able to provide a sound healing experience that inspired sincere accolades from those I was serving.

If you help yourself to remember this by prioritizing your well-being, daring to step beyond the familiar, and expand your capacity to really revel in the moments of beauty as they arise, you'll open doorways of possibility that will lead to previously unimaginable success and happiness.


Your life is a sacred gift. Your gifts are precious. Your time and energy are valuable beyond measure.

Go ahead! Give it a shot, then tell me how it goes.

You may just be around the corner from a dream-come-true, and you don't want to make the same mistake I did. Take these words of wisdom to heart so you can let in all the magic just waiting to pour in for you.

And if you have already danced with these experiences, please share what you've learned along the way.

And as always, if you have any questions, I'm here for you.

May the Source be with you

amandaeloesh @

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Ecstatic Living: Beet Fennel Gazpacho Recipe

By Amanda Eloesh
Beet Fennel Gazpacho

This gorgeous looking (and tasting) chilled soup I made up has become such a hit, I just had to share it with you!

For those of you who love to follow tight recipes with precise amounts and measurements . . .


MOST SINCERE APOLOGIES! This is intuitive cooking! I'm glad I can even remember what all I put in it to begin with 😀


I cook with a lot of intuition, flow, and . . . complete lack of measuring cups, measuring spoons and the like. Please do bear with me.

I recommend, as always, getting organic produce, locally sourced is best.


Get a bunch of beets (3-4 medium/large), remove the stems & leaves (saving them to add to smoothies or salads later), wash them, and then steam them until they are soft to cut, but still firm (don't worry if you cook them longer). The cooking helps to sweeten them up in the soup. Add to your blender (I prefer Vitamix or something similar that can provide a very smooth consistency).

Roughly cut up one cucumber (you'll want to remove the peel if it is not organic). Add to your blender.

Roughly cut up one bulb of fennel (if you can wild harvest this, it's amazing). Save some of the beautiful greens for garnish, and if you're on the conservative side, keep some of the stems out and mostly use the bulb. Add to your blender.

Remove most of the peel from 2 lemons. Add to your blender.

Fresh mint to your liking (Save some for garnish!)

Add 1/2 cup (or more if you like) cup of good quality and good tasting olive oil.

Add 1 tsp. good quality salt (NON-IODIZED) Add dulse seaweed flakes for a healthy, natural source of iodine 😀

Add pepper to taste (If you can find Balinese or another sweet and fragrant long pepper corn, this is best).

Add 2-3 cups spring water depending on consistency you prefer. Start out with 2 and add in more as you go.

Blend until silky smooth.


Serve (How many does it serve? Well, that depends on whether you want to share or not!) It's very tasty and could be offered as a little refreshing shot to quite a few people, or it works great as a meal replacement or mid-afternoon hearty snack for 2-4.


OPTIONAL GARNISHES (use one or all): Gomasio, seaweed seasoning (especially dulse flakes), pumpkin seeds, mint, fennel sprigs, cultured (vegan) yogurt, toasted croutons (make sure to add ghee to them for over the top goodness)!



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Feeding the Holy

By Amanda Eloesh
The practice of making offerings to the Holy in any and all forms is a beautiful and foundational practice that awakens great magic.
Music, poetry, prayer, words of praise (not for bribery, but for nourishment), and all things made by hand are what little we humans can do to give back just a little crumb of deliciousness in exchange for all we receive to sustain our lives.
This is a little insight about how to give back and feed everything that's greater than us that wishes us well.
The most ancient offering (and cross cultural) was shell beads (which is what the logo for my nonprofit, Living Wisdom Church, represents). Mounds of shell beads have been found in many places across the world where ancient indigenous people called home. 
The making of a shell bead starts with harvesting shells, but first it's good to make an offering to the ocean and the shells in exchange for what you are taking.
My first shell harvest, no shells were visible after searching up and down multiple times until I started to sing and then, all of a sudden, there they were.
Next, find a rough stone to grind the shell and make the shape of the bead (usually a circle). Then use the sharp corner of a stone to make the hole in the center.
There is deep meaning to each of these steps, and if you drop into a prayer of gratitude, and truly desiring to give back and feed the Holy, Wild in Nature, some of those mysteries may just open up for you. But simply dropping into prayers of gratitude while you create this offering will do.
Once you have the round shape on the outside, and the hole at the center, you have your offering and it is time to give.
Always go to the ocean with an offering. Always go into Nature with an offering. Always give an offering before taking something.
Let the offering be a gratitude, not an agenda to get something more than you've already received.
Sometimes you will find that Nature, in Her great generous state, will send you a message, a song, or even a sweet shell or other sigil to take with you, but always ask if this is truly for you. Your body will know the answer if you listen.
Other offerings can be things you used to make as a child, but have since forgotten about.
REMEMBER and start it up again: God's Eyes, origami with gratitudes written on the inside, a little "Spirit plate," that has a tiny bit of everything you are about to eat at mealtime, a special poem or song from the heart of your gratitude that won't later be posted on social media.
On Beltane, you can REALLY activate the Muse and Faerie presence in your life by making Faerie bundles: a little collection of sparkles, rhinestones, lacy bits, little candies, dried flowers all bundled up in beautiful paper or cloth and tied with a lovely bow. Tie them in a tree. Make sure they are safe from any critters who may try to ingest them.
Again, this isn't in exchange for getting something you want, but to make an attempt at offering back just a little for the great bounty already in your life.
Making this a daily practice for a whole month will change your life for good.
If you're really overwhelmed with the idea of making something every day to feed Spirit (consider making room for it), make a commitment to start making something monthly and then do this daily practice instead . . .
Making Magic:
Pick a song or two to learn (or better yet, make up your own), and sing it to someone, or something every day.
When you're out around strangers, push yourself to just sing. It doesn't have to be pitch perfect, and you don't have to have the words just right. Just sing.
And if you're really daring, do a little dance or movement with it.
You'll feed the Holy by allowing yourself to be untamed and free from social constructs of "normal." You'll also likely bring some a-muse-ment to those who get to witness your offering, and you'll find you take yourself less seriously, and lightness will enter your heart.
I want to acknowledge my esteemed teacher, Martin Prechtel, whose profound teachings inspired this practice.
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How to Make Life’s Tragedy an Initiation

By Amanda Eloesh

How do you respond when everything falls apart?

Throughout my life, I’ve had multiple experiences where seemingly everything I had put together for myself crumbled in short order. Just before the first one, I got a message from one of my guides that I was going to be just fine, and that I needed to pay attention to HOW I navigated the shit-show that was about to ensue so that I could help other people to do the same.

What I’ve found is that these total life wipe-outs (Kali Etch-A-Sketch moments as I refer to them) when everything gets shaken and you are left with a blank slate, are gifts.

Yes, gifts.

We put our lives together a certain way, limited by conscious and subconscious beliefs about ourselves and about the world around us.

When our prayer, our Noble Purpose, and our Spiritual Contracts are bigger than what our small minds can manifest, things tumble so that we can strengthen and have an opportunity to rebuild based on a new paradigm.

Problem is, many of us just struggle to try to get back to where we were, or spend all of our energy trying to prevent the deconstruction. We miss the many gifts and treasures that are on the path of dissolution and then we can, with our attachments, get lost in victimhood, regret, and all the other hard feels when we don’t see that this is not a punishment or a loss, it is an opportunity for renovation and upgrades. Indigenous cultures initiate their young people. It is a rite of passage into young adulthood.

These initiations are no joke. Some don’t make it. They bring the initiate face-to-face with the humbling reality of their reliance on so many elements that are greater than them, and the fragility of life. Passing through that gauntlet creates a reverence for and a deep relationship with everything that gives them life, which creates that sense of belonging (not just to the community, but to the world), a respect for the full spectrum of life (the ebbs and the flows), and an inner sense of strength and confidence as a result of making it through the intense trials.

We don’t have these cultural initiations anymore, but we do experience them through the unexpected and unplanned losses, tragedies, and the crumbling of all we build up based on ego-motivated goals.

There is no way around the initiation(s).

We need them to help us wake up to the depth and majesty of life. It’s so much greater than that botched order at Starbucks or even that argument with a partner over money . . . again.

These challenges are a collusion of our soul and everything that is greater than us that wishes us well to help us to wake up out of our illusions and delusions about life and step into the greater magic and meaning that is all around us, yet mostly invisible to the uninitiated eye. If you feel like you are in a life wipe-out, things are crumbling, or you simply find yourself constantly wondering if (and longing for the possibility that) there might be more to life than meets your eye, let’s connect.

Grab a complimentary discovery session with me HERE ::

:: and I’d be happy to support you in navigating the dissolution as well as tuning into the magic that’s waiting for you.

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My Prayer for Sovereignty

By Amanda Eloesh

Here I am on the Sacred Feminine 13th Freya-Day under a Super New Scorpio Moon and Scorpio Sun. With my moon in Scorpio and my body in a cocoon. My soul so grateful for deeply knowing and loving myself, even as my hardest places arise, I can fully feel them, welcome them into my heart, and find a place of loving kindness within.


SO many wounds coming up to be healed. So many places that were projected upon that were harmful. And I have let them take precedence over the majesty and sacredness of my own sense of myself.


What a blessing when I finally allowed myself to see this for the first time. I have had to come back to it many times. So many opportunities to get lost in the hard reflections of others. What a blessing to have been on this journey, somehow innately knowing that inside of myself there is gold that I can rely on.


Almost lost in the projections and conditioning.

I’m not sure if there is anything more painful that I have experienced in my life than secretive judgments of beloveds. Especially lovers who literally put themselves inside of me. Shadowy judgments and projections that have lodged themselves into my empathic psychic body and then my physical body, and then become the fodder for future beloveds to judge and then it starts all over again.

As a human built to be the sacred feminine chalice, the receiver of the sacred masculine, I am not sure there is anything more painful than allowing that deep intimacy and being given such sharp and poisonous sacrament hidden inside of and tangled up with love.

Of course it was almost always with consent. And it was conditioned to please. It was conditioned to receive. It was conditioned to be like Jesus. Compassionate and forgiving. And completely without any wisdom about how to HONOR it in the sacred feminine way. Only instructions: JUST DON’T. Your body. Your pleasure. They aren’t yours to enjoy. You are here to serve.

[And let me just assure you as you, start to interject here that there was conditioning of the sacred masculine as well.


I know we are all waking up together (HOPEFULLY). It is my fucking compassion and understanding that has made it such a slippery slope to find my actual edges and boundaries and say, “Um, I’m actually not Jesus and I am at my capacity for tolerating any more of your wounding at this personal level. I am not your healer. I am not your servant.

I am a GOT THIS, but not for you. I am a GOT THIS for the Holy and my Self.”]

There have been so many excruciating layers, generational and beyond, personal and impersonal, simply from being a woman with so many sisters with the same wounds. So many to heal.

I started it as a victim. I am not interested in that narrative for myself. I am owning my sovereignty. As a Sovereigness. I take full accountability for each and every one of my decisions. They have become more and more conscious with each breath. I have no regrets.

And it feels important to name the full cycle and full circle of this healing.

So as I step into my Sovereigness, I am weaving in this sacred 13th Goddess, Got This day being able to feel the full honoring potency of the wounds that have shaped me. I embrace them. They embrace me.

I am awakening within me the Virgin. Not the virgin of the Western world, but the true Virgin, who is sovereign in her body and in her sexuality. She is free from the projections, the “should’s,” and the judgments of others about her choices. I am reclaiming my inalienable ownership of this sacred vessel. I take it back from the crumbling power of judgment.

I claim the remembrance of how to detect the presence of poison before it enters my body.

I forgive myself for the uninformed conscious, sacred choices I have made in the past based in loving kindness, trust, and true innocence.

It is such a precious thing, innocence. I reclaim it for myself. No one has permission to take that from me or anyone else in my world.

Wow. What a potent birthing of myself through words. So powerful. So helpful.

Thank you, sacred Self and Everything that is Greater than me that Wishes me Well, for helping me to have this profound birthing. Still unfurling. But already so helpful and life-giving.

I forgive myself for giving myself away, thinking I had to trade it for survival. I forgive myself for letting the ignorant judgments of others who create and feed into the wounding that they judge, override my own sense of self-worth.

I know they are only doing what they’ve been programmed to do. I claim my sovereignty in my choices.

I claim and take back my power. I reclaim myself through time and space. All of me belongs to me. None of it is shameful. All of it is sacred.

Whatever piece of me, my body, my time, my money, my attention that is offered is only to that which receives it with respect. Whatever I receive from outside of myself, I commit to receive with respect.

I’m so immensely grateful for this prayer. It has swirled through in many ways, so many times, but today, in the sacred feminine cocoon of the frequency and tone of “Got This,” it lands into English words that I can feel inside of me as I speak, even just as I type it and watch it flow from my fingers onto a digital screen, it is magic. This is the spell I cast for myself and everyone else who cares to join me.

My mission in this lifetime is to help as many people as possible to access their inalienable sovereignty. I’m glad to know that my primary client is myself.

What an immense moment. What a precious moment.

Thank you, sacred witnesses for sharing this sacred moment of birthing myself.

Mitakuye Oyasin


So, yah, just another day along the 2020 path of transformation.

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Feeling Masterful or Overwhelmed?

By Amanda Eloesh
CROPPED Rough Draft Alchemical Goddess by Adrianne
(unfinished) Image by Adrianne Tamar Arachne

Today has been full of potent transmissions.


I just returned from visiting my sweet Mama in Southern Utah, where she was born and raised, to celebrate her 90th birthday! It was a deeply nourishing and powerful experience.


Today, as I put my body back together from the hours in planes and cars and being with the loved ones, this transmission came through.


I felt deeply nourished by it, and thought you might enjoy it too.


The first thing that happened was that I was reminded of a powerful message that came through over a year and a half ago . . .


You are in a powerful time of transformation. This prayer is already in Sacred Motion. There is nothing you need to do to MAKE it happen. Your only invitation is to soften, and allow, and witness the unfolding of this Divine Plan.


That message carried me through my own personal apocalypse back then, and it continues to resurface to remind me that the Sacred Motion of the Divine Plan is still unfolding. I've already made my prayer and agreements for why I am here in this particular body, in this particular life, at this particular time.


I know what I am here to do. I am here to help people access their own deep personal relationship to Source so that each of you can also know your unique Divine Plan and get the guidance to show up to it in a good way.

Today, as I have pondered the challenges that have arisen for me, financial in particular, this is what came through that wants to be shared.


Don’t believe that having trauma or disaster in your life is proof that you are damaged or stuck.

We have all inherited the task of cleaning up the messes made before us.


We are all being called to action. The most capable are being called to even more action.

Some of us know how to elevate it.

Some of us are still becoming overwhelmed by our own past traumas & conditioning. Trying to do anything from this hard and challenging state will generate more of the same.


Hurt people hurt people. Healing people heal people.


Some days those who were masterful will need help getting out of overwhelm from their wounds. Some days, those in overwhelm will be masterful in their response to the dissolution taking place right now.

We are not quite yet in rebuild mode. There are still many structures and pieces that need to be composted and transformed. Many of them are things that you really like.


Can you meet your calling with an open loving heart yet? Not just your intention but your actions?


Are you in joy? Or are you in complaint?

Are you generating peace? Or something else?


Don’t get lost in blame. That is a distraction from what lies in front of you that you can change. Focus on what you can do with an open loving heart. Focus on what you can do that generates health, kindness, and peace (or whatever other awesome thing that brings you life).

If you see something you do not like, either step up and take sovereign responsibility to make it better, or release judgment about it not being to your preference (better yet, do BOTH!).

If you don’t know how to make it better, it isn’t your business. Ask for help if it needs attention.

Focus on what you CAN do, not on what others cannot.

Complaint is a symptom of a subconscious program that is disempowered. There is no complaint when you are truly Sovereign.



So, that is what's driving my ship today.


May it serve you and your journey to sovereignty!


If you are curious about accessing and truly embodying your inner Sovereigness, and learning how to show up masterfully during these intense times, you are invited to my ½ day womxn’s online circle ~ Sunday, November 8th, 11am-3pm

Priestess Passes start at just $33 (but are limited, so get yours now!)

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Beyond Overwhelm: Shining your light in times of relentless darkness

By Amanda Eloesh
Amanda Bowl looking down

I've had a profound realization about an old pattern that comes up when things are tough. The old pattern goes something like this . . .

I feel myself consumed by the stress (constriction in my heart, all my energy gets drained, and I fall into despair), and then I collapse inside and want to give up.

The collapse into hopelessness and overwhelm comes from a place that believes if I let myself go there, then that will be a signal to . . . God? The Universe? Some Rescuer? That I’ve had enough now, and I can give up and the struggle will be over.

This hasn’t ever worked.

This experience hasn't been able to control the challenges. They haven't magically come to an end just because I feel like I can't take anymore.

During times of initiation, like this, when the challenges just keep coming relentlessly, I collapse, feel sorry for myself, vent to a friend who will reflect to me how amazing I am and then after taking a break (like napping or zoning out on a movie or something similar to escape), I pick myself back up and forge ahead. And I realize . . .

“Well, I guess that wasn’t actually my edge.”

2019 proved to be that way. I had hit after hit that seemed overwhelming and too much to take. To name just a few examples, I lost the home of seven years I'd invested my heart, soul, and business into. I lost my relationship. I was betrayed by someone I thought to be a father figure to me. I lost almost all of my savings. My 6-figure business collapsed. And those are just some of the highlights of disaster that hit last year all within just a couple of short months.

When I'd get to a certain point, something inside would signal "This is all I can take!" and then I would fall apart for the day, but ultimately, I would eventually pick myself up and keep on going, and the hits kept on coming.

I got through it all and landed in a beautiful place that was (as my own personal philosophy and visions had assured me) much better than before things fell apart.

Now 2020 seems like a global echo of my personal 2019 experience (WTF?! Moments all in line, one after the other, testing our capacity to show up with grace and presence).

Focusing on staying in my center, staying in my peace and blissful reverence and gratitude for life will help me much better than collapsing into despair.

This is a new realization. Before I’ve just seen it as me hitting my edge, which is also true, but . . .

I can control where my edges are.

I can decide when (and possibly IF) I collapse into hopelessness and the “just give up” kind of surrender vs. the “trust and let go of the illusion of control” kind of surrender.

When I come to that place of wanting to collapse, it just means I need a little break for some self-care, and experiencing delight/playfulness, so that I can recalibrate myself and re-align with my magic and my power as my guiding star. This has been a really profound and helpful realization.

As I step into this practice I see my Sovereign self expanding and my victim persona fading away.

This realization has come at the same time as a deep inner confidence that has been emerging over the past few weeks. It is a voice from within and without that says . . .

"It doesn't matter who gets elected. It doesn't matter what happens to the economy. It doesn't matter if you get evicted or have a huge turnaround back into success and wealth. Nothing on the outside matters. You are not in control of ANY of that. You are here to be a beacon of light during this dark time, which doesn't rely on things being a certain way to be able to shine. Stay focused on what you're here to do. You are amazing at it. You are an alchemist. You've always turned hard experiences into gifts of gold and you will continue to do so now. You don't have control over what comes your way. You're an alchemist and a healer during a very dark time of transformation . . . "

"You only have control over how you show up. It doesn't matter what's happening 'out there.' What matters is how you respond."


This has been a total game changer.

In each moment, regardless of how I feel, I ask myself "How do I want to show up?" And then I focus on how to give it my best.

Sometimes it's swallowing my pride or my personal preferences and being kind in the face of unkindness, or gracious in the face of chaos. Sometimes, when I realize I don't have the capacity to show up the way I know is most helpful, I have to take a moment to meditate, rest, play, cry, or dance until I am back in my power center and able to go back into the darkness with my own inner light.

I think all light workers are having this same basic experience right now. We have miles to go! There is no giving up or turning back. Only moments of pause to resource ourselves and then get back in the saddle and ride this baby out.


If you are feeling a resonance with this, but having a hard time recalibrating and finding your sovereignty, power and grace in the face of so much chaos, please connect with me. My purpose is to help others find their sovereignty and to find their relationship with Source when the human experience brings amnesia and disconnect from our power.

If this all feels familiar, I have a gift for you. My gift to you is a complimentary, no obligation exploration of how I can help you to continue to find your power and shine your light no matter how hard things get.

TRUST ME, you're going to need to master this to ride the next long while like the badass light worker you came here to be.

:: CLICK HERE :: to claim that free exploration with me.

And until we connect again . . .

May the Source be with you!

Amanda Heartbreak Signature
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A Response to Ridicule

By Amanda Eloesh

It was one of the first warm days of spring, and I was with my second grade class at recess. At the tender age of just eight years old, I had already started going through puberty. Not only was I a full head and shoulders taller than my classmates, I thought differently, (getting “Source” messages and seeing the world through my 3rd eye), and now I was going through a  metamorphosis. It often felt like I was the main character in a Kafka novel. So, I already knew I didn’t fit in. “Weird” was commonly used to describe me, sometimes even by well-meaning people who loved me.

Timmy Loveless (perfect name, right?) pointed to my chest and said “You have boobies!” and laughed and then, soon, I was at the center of a circle of my classmates pointing and laughing. I wanted to curl up and die. I wanted to disappear. Forty years later, I still am unwrapping the “just disappear” response from my system.

Ridicule. It is possibly one of the most painful experiences we can face as humans. Most likely, it is what keeps us from stepping beyond our comfort zones, doing something our heart tells us because it may draw someone else’s harsh judgment.

I’ve heard many modern priestesses and “witchy” women talk about “the burning times,” acknowledging that the Sacred Feminine went underground because it was unsafe to stand in that power. “BUT,” they say, “the burning times are over!” Are they really?

Are “the burning times” really over?

Social media has become like a septic tank. Disconnected, stressed out, overwhelmed people are turning to it for so many reasons, and one of them seems to be dumping, without too much consequence, toxic emotions. It’s like road rage, except on steroids, and though you don’t run the risk of a car accident, there are harmful outcomes.

Being ridiculed (or even being seen as imperfect) used to be one of my worst fears that induced anxiety. My vulnerable “not good enough” wounding was already on hyper-alert, so not meeting the approval of my family or peers felt like death, and this is the deep psychological fear that gets activated with ridicule. Not so long ago, we relied on our tribe’s acceptance of us for survival. Banishing someone was, in actuality, a death sentence, and our DNA hasn’t really forgotten this.

In our bones there is a sense that if we are ridiculed, we will be outcast and die.

Based on what I have experienced for myself and supported hundreds of clients and friends through, it seems like there are a lot of ways that we, (especially womxn, and even more especially, BIPOC womxn), have shut down our voices, denied our authentic self-expression, kept ourselves from speaking up and speaking out, and not been willing to step into, fully own, and shine our power, wisdom, and gifts in the world because deep down, we can feel that . . .

the burning times haven’t ended, they’ve just evolved into trolls and toxic feeding frenzies.

Not so long ago, having ANYONE, even someone who didn’t know me, reflect something unkind felt devastating. It would get me right in that old wounding of “not good enough,” and it would take quite a bit of deep personal work to metabolize it so that I did not pass on the harm, or even return it to the sender.

In my commitment, as a leader, to be a safer person and a better ally, I have been in on-going process to release old programs that are unhealthy. Patriarchal, colonial, capitalist, “American,” human . . . Doing this deep inner work has allowed me to, more easily, stand in the face of someone else’s ridicule and respond so as to generate, or at lease open the door to, kindness, connection, and healing.

I was really blessed, recently, to have an opportunity to witness and heal that fear of ridicule even more fully . . . by having quite a bit of it coming at me. (Honestly, I think we’re literally not doing it “right” . . . at least according to the algorithms that run our social media show, if we’re not making someone angry.)

I was pleasantly surprised to find no response of defense, no self-protection, no upset, fear, or anxiety (which would have all been creating a knot deep in my stomach not so long ago). Instead, I found myself experiencing deep understanding, compassion, and loving kindness.

At first, I tried to respond with equanimity, but then realized there was a feeding frenzy going on and it was stirring up a lot of shit. I personally enjoyed many of the comments and found some of them amusing in many ways on the same level they were intended, and I realized that the “amusement” of others was based in anger and resentment and I knew I needed to take some space and not feed into it.

So, I sat with it; continued to just feel compassionate understanding, but no words, until I did my deep Sacred Feminine practice. It came to me what to say in response to all of the hateful and attacking things coming at me. Here’s what I wrote:

“First, I acknowledge and fully understand why and how you have the intense reactions and feelings you do about my post. There’s a lot of f’d up exploitation that feels intolerable and heart-breaking in me, too. No one with a heart or a conscience can witness what is happening right now without breaking inside. I understand your anger and judgment.

Thank you for releasing so much of your justified anger for me to be with. I feel no harm and make a commitment to not pass it on to anyone else or pass it back to you. Your anger is welcome here.

We are committed to create safe and sacred spaces for our diverse community to learn, heal, and grow together, because we value the potency and necessity of people from many different paths coming together to create a new reality, free from the divisiveness that we know our technocracy and social dilemmedia are conditioning us to recreate.

Please forgive me for not taking the time to read all of the comments. In fact, once I saw the general flavor of things, I stopped responding and very soon after that, stopped reading them altogether.

I’m heartbroken and most deeply and humbly ask for your forgiveness for any part of me that represents the violence, oppression, willful destruction, exploitation of, ugliness towards, unkindness, harmful action or deed against you or any of your ancestors, or relations.

I am committed to trade in my privilege for justice and peace and learning how to be a better ally to everyone.

Please forgive me for any way my actions, words, or behaviors have activated the ancestral or current trauma you face every day.

My prayer is that you find peace, ease, and comfort from the pain these unjust traumas have brought to you, and that I may play some small part in making that peace, ease, and comfort more accessible to you. Please let me know how I may assist that.

My devotion is to this mission: to create safe and sacred spaces for our diverse community to learn, heal, and grow, together. Our prayer, as a community, is for everyone to access their sovereignty and no longer fall subject to the oppression of anyone for any reason.

Our commitment is to engage with loving kindness and compassionate curiosity.

If you are willing to meet me in a place of loving kindness and compassionate curiosity, then I would be honored and delighted to respond to and answer to anything you need or want answered.

All who come in a good way are welcome.

If you are committed to generate more hate, anger, or divisiveness . . . I will graciously decline further dialogue.

Regardless of how you choose to move forward with this thread, I have only kind thoughts towards you, and pray for the health and well being of you and your relations.

May you thrive in peace and joy.”

There have been no further comments.

Shaming, mockery, and humiliation are all tools used by oppressors to dehumanize people, which facilitates atrocities against other human beings.

Creating a culture that embraces dignity, respect, and honoring basic human decency for all (maybe even going so far as to also be compassionate towards others who are different than us) is the only way to disallow inhumane realities for our human family.

What kind of culture are you feeding and growing? Are you indulging your personal pain by expressing it in unkind ways? If so, you are part of the problem. Your beliefs don’t make you better than anyone else. Your social status doesn’t make you more valuable. Clever words are not a cure. If there is anything that can actually set us apart as some sort of positive example, it is our behavior. How we act creates powerful reactions. Hateful, violent acts seem to generate more of the same. Loving kindness can stop immense toxicity in its tracks.

I would like to invite all who are called to take a stand for bringing kindness back, a reverence for life, human and otherwise. We are all so very quick to judge 45 for his toxic attacks, but if we’re involved in the same basic behavior, we have bought in to the whole program and are regenerating it and helping it to take over our humanity.

It’s really fucking hard to stop, take a deep breath, and choose the path of loving kindness in the face of so much pain, suffering, anger, fear, and ridicule. But this is the path of the true Sacred Rebel Priest:ess.

Stand in your truth, speak your truth, and meet all who come your way with reverence and an invitation to bring hard thoughts and feelings out of the shadows and into a sacred light that awakens our ability to live in peace amidst diversity. If we can’t master, or even just VALUE this, our days are truly numbered.

I have MILES to go in this quest to meet toxicity with an open heart and mind, but I know that the more of us who commit to learning how to be love Djedis, the better chance we have of healing what has been creating so much destruction and suffering in our world.

Will you join me?

“I commit to showing up with loving kindness for all I encounter.”

If you’re interested in being a part of a community committed to Loving Kindness and creating connection through learning, healing, and growing within diversity, please reach out. We’re here for you.

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An Invitation for Well-Meaning Men

By Amanda Eloesh

Invitation for Well-Meaning Men

TRIGGER WARNING: Murder & Calling our brothers in for self-reflection.


There’s been a relationship dynamic that has emerged for me over the past few months. It is a quality that I’ve witnessed in many people, including myself, however, it seems to be pervasive and particularly powerful (and unapologetically expressed) in white men.


This week has been filled with an intense amount of emotional tenderness over traumas I’ve moved through in relationship to men who have been taught that their will and desire is the law of the land, and have been taught the value of dominance over reverence.


First I want to say that the men I’ve witnessed this dynamic in have a lot of really great qualities. I’ve seen a lot of helpfulness and generosity, and there’s even been elements of protectiveness and stepping in as providers. The toxic problem rears its ugly head when there is ANY request to reflect on behavior that may be (even unconsciously) having a negative impact on someone else (especially female identified beings).


There seems to be an idea, and I’ll stress again that I have seen it in LOTS of humans, myself included, but most pervasively, unapologetically defended, and toxically in white men, and this idea is that if you do a lot of really nice things, then that alleviates you from taking accountability for harm (even unintentional) you may be causing for someone else.


The request to look at this dynamic ended my last relationship swiftly and my simple request to acknowledge the impacts was met with a quick exit. The dynamic has come up in a male relative who has chosen to avoid a real healing moment by just sending some nice messages instead of actually acknowledging some toxic behavior.


This dynamic just arose again with a male “friend,” who had done, again, some really nice things, but then violated some boundaries. When I started to speak about the boundaries, there was an instant denial, minimizing, and now, several days later, I have received a lengthy diatribe that is toxic and attacking.


For me, personally, it touches on the traumas I’ve experienced since I was a child. A dominating father who always had to be right, and who imposed extreme punishments for the great sin of having a voice and speaking up for what I felt to be right. At thirteen, my mom’s sister was murdered by her husband, which was an even deeper message about the very real threat of going against the opinions of the “man of the house.”


I know that there are a lot of old pressures put on men from the past, and now the present, to show up in ways that are intense and even traumatizing. The same is true for women, and people of color, (well, people of color get this in spades, don’t they)? We as humans are all waking up from old, unhealthy expectations and pressures to be a certain way and prove ourselves in certain ways.


We’ve all learned unhealthy and inaccurate ways of proving ourselves and perceiving and engaging with others who are different from us.


We all need to be willing to take in the reflections from others when we are having an impact that we don’t intend. Most harm, I believe, is unintentional, but the harm will continue if it is met with denial, deflection, and diminishing the voice of the one who is asking for a change.


The biggest defense that has come up to me from the “harming” men in my life is “I have done all of these things for you! You must be ungrateful to accuse me of doing something ‘bad,’ when I’ve done so many nice things for you.”




The “bread winner” doesn’t have permission to abuse his partner and children. The helpful friend doesn’t have permission to break boundaries.


Your harmful behavior doesn’t make you a bad person, and your good behavior doesn’t absolve you from the responsibilities of accounting for your harmful behavior.


I’ve really applied the pain from this toxic dynamic to myself as a white person. It doesn’t matter how many helpful or good things I may have done or be in the process of doing. If I create harm for a person of color, I still need to clean that shit up. It doesn’t make me a bad person; it makes me a human. The “badness” only comes in if I deny the harm based on my good intent and fail to grow and see where I am having a harmful impact.


MEN: You have been taught a LOT of fucked up things about the world. Some of those things you may not even realize you’ve been taught. Some of those things you may not even realize have become integrated into your thoughts, feelings, and justifications for your actions towards others. It is there. If you want to truly be a safe person, be willing to accept when someone, especially a woman or a person of color, shares with you that you have done something that needs some clean-up. Not intending to cause that harm is not the same as not causing harm.


Jeff Wright, the president of Medicine Path Native American Church says “Having a good excuse to behave badly is not the same as behaving well.”


Not intending to cause harm, and not realizing you’ve caused harm are not the same as not causing harm. You will never be able to grow into being a more safe human if you meet each reflection that includes a request for a shift in perspective and behavior with denial.


You may not mean it, men, but the message and impact you send when you deny your harmful impact is to shut down the voice of someone who has less privilege than you, which also sends a message that they are not valuable and their experience doesn’t matter.


The men who have recently caused harm and been in denial have activated in me a deep and tender vulnerable place. This week has been filled with tears. So many tears. And exhaustion. The trauma from the abuse as a child, and the subconscious message that men are out to literally kill the women they love . . . it’s all up in my face right now (or more accurately, my heart). The good news is, I know how to allow this to be a healing experience, even though it is just me in the dynamic to do the healing with (because the men have run away or proven to be unsafe and unavailable for actual healing), that is the most important focus. The message “men are not safe,” has been swirling through my mind, my emotions, and my body. I am doing my best to love it and let it go. I deeply desire, and need to feel safe with the masculine. I have beautiful brothers around me who are kind, loving, helpful . . . and because of the pervasive pattern, there is a deep voice in me I want to heal that says “If you go deep enough, that ugliness will rear its ugly head.” I pray to heal that up.


No one is responsible for healing my trauma from the past except for me. The intense feelings are so tender because of my past, and I acknowledge that. I’m not even angry at the former partner(s) and this most recent male acquaintance who can’t see what impact they are having on others, but I am fucking tired of seeing it happen over and over again. It rips me open and wears me out.


If someone says “I was hurt by something you did,” please do your best to be compassionate and curious to hear what they have to say. You are not being accused of being a “bad” person. You are being asked to be a safe person by learning about how you have played a role in causing harm.


I know the tendency to self-protect when faced with a situation where someone was harmed by something I did. It’s hard to hear. I consider myself a kind, loving, considerate person and it feels painful to learn that my good intentions have not only missed the mark, but have caused unintended damage. The only way to make it all feel better is to have the courage to soften and open and say “I’m sorry,” and “What can I do to make it better?” and then DO what it takes to make it better.


This has been welling up inside of me for days, and I pray that it creates some helpful expansion of thoughts, opening of perspectives, and softening of hearts.

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3 Things You Need to Do Right Now for Best Outcomes

By Amanda Eloesh

For the longest time you’ve been saying “If I could just unplug from my daily grind I’d finally _________________.”

And now we have a complete planetary pause happening and what are you doing? Binging on your Netflix list? Really?

I know there are all sorts of reasons to be freaking out, and I’m not saying that what is facing us right now isn’t serious. It’s a global pandemic for goodness sake! It’s really serious. BUT it holds within it many opportunities.

Imagine someone with a big plan. Maybe it’s a huge complex that has co-working offices, businesses, health and wellness services, food services, sports facility . . . it’s a whole community center. There’s a vision behind it. So much goes into planning it out. The needs of the people, costs, flow of traffic, hours of operation . . .

And then, as time goes by, the community shifts and evolves and one day that amazing complex that housed “the future” doesn’t really fit people’s needs anymore. What happens?

It is taken apart and something new is created that provides a better structure for the new needs of the community.

Our lives are like this, too. Every time we go through a wipe-out (relationship, finances, career, health . . .) it’s an outwardly unavoidable message that the structures set up to support our life is no longer able to hold the evolution of our needs and our Noble Purpose.

Just last year, I was living within a structure that felt like exactly what I’d prayed for . . . except that I was also (and still am) asking “Please, Creator, show me the elevation for my life.” You see, like most people, I like growth and improvement. I want to serve more, be a better human, live more sustainably, experience and offer greater love . . . and that’s what I got. I got an answer to that prayer.

Everything fell apart. First it was my business and finances – that went somewhat slowly. Then it was my living circumstances. The beautiful retreat center I’d dedicated my life to developing and building my life’s work within was going away. Then it was my partnership. All gone within a matter of just a couple of months.

Yes, for a day or so my nervous system went into shock. Fortunately, it wasn’t my first Kali Etch-A-Sketch shake down (Imagine the Goddess of Birth, Life, and Death shaking the shit out of everything like an Etch-A-Sketch until all you have is a blank slate – that was my life last year). No, it wasn’t the first time I’d gone through a total life make-over. In fact, it was my third.

The first one came when my husband became addicted to methamphetamines. He became a threat to me, making it impossible to live in the home I was solely paying for, and he destroyed most of our belongings and literally turned some of it into toxic waste, which cost a small fortune to clean up and remove. I was devastated. That was 17 years ago.

The second life make-over came just as I was starting to regain my health and strength after two months in bed with mononucleosis. I had been providing all of the practical support in my partnership and he was providing all of the financial support. An incredibly painful and deeply wounding betrayal ended that relationship (which I thought was heading for marriage) and all of my income with it.

So, last year, as things started to fall away swiftly, one-by-one, I knew that I was gonna get my ass kicked, but I also knew it wasn’t a punishment. I knew it was Everything that is Greater than me that wishes me well saying it was time for an upgrade.

If you haven’t gone through it yourself, you know someone who has . . . some sort of remodeling. A bathroom, a kitchen . . . even when it’s planned and desired, it’s still a major pain in the ass. When it’s unplanned and involves a make-over of your whole life, it’s some serious business to navigate. It’s not to be taken lightly, but what I’ve learned (after three major transformations and helping countless clients to navigate their own personal crises and unexpected shifts) is that all of it is working on our behalf.

The only problem is that we don’t recognize that, or we don’t trust it, and we fight tooth and nail to try to hold on to what is falling apart. We scramble to put old broken pieces together, and we cling to the sinking ship that is headed down fast. That doesn’t facilitate much of an upgrade. What we’re left with in these circumstances is a lot of loss, grief, and regret.

My whole life’s work (since I was 11 years old, in fact) has lead me on a journey of exploring and understanding our ability to navigate life’s unexpected shifts and how to manifest the miraculous (or at least the previously unimaginable happiness). I’ve been pretty good at it (and had some pretty outstanding opportunities to walk my talk) and early on (just at the beginning of my first major wipe-out – I mean upgrade) Creator invited me to look at how I got through it all so that maybe I could find a way to help others navigate crazy shit and come out on top too.

At first I was really skeptical because we all have different resources, life circumstances, goals, gifts, challenges and different life paths, but what I witnessed and then put into action started to really help people.

I’ve been able to navigate some crazy shit and come out the other side not only blessed but without regrets. I have friends who have witnessed me in these hard times and have reflected that there is something very special and magical about my ability to move through with ease and come out of tragedy with gold.

It’s been 17 years since I got that invitation to see if I could apply what I was doing to help others to go through unexpected upsets and come out on top, and I’m incredibly fortunate to say that I’ve been able to help countless people to upgrade their lives, to navigate hard times, and to find the gold that is hidden inside of every tough experience.

Now we, as a planetary community, are going through a potent time of restructuring. Regardless of what you believe about the coronavirus, you could also imagine that it is a gift. This is an opportunity to watch the pieces of your life – your (false) sense of  security, your unsustainable ways, your business, your relationships, everything – come apart and to TUNE IN to what the elevation is that’s trying to come through.

It’s always much easier to say and write down than to actually do, so I’ll say that if what I’m sharing sounds good, but you’re not able to really implement it, I’m here to help you. In fact, during the next month, I’ll be offering some of my online services at a discount to help those of you who want the extra support to get it. :: CLICK HERE :: to fill out an assessment and schedule some time to talk with me about how I can support you in having a better reality NOW.

For those of you who simply need a reminder and a little bit of confirmation . . . here are the 3 most important things you can be doing right now to help you navigate these crazy times and come out on top.

  1. Stay Curious about what gifts may be hidden here for you. What opportunities are available to you now that weren’t there when things were “business as usual?” This time is precious and what you seed now will grow and become your new reality. Avoiding your fear with distracting entertainment is wasting this precious opportunity to be inspired on how you can be, think, and do better for yourself.
  2. Take Care of Yourself. You can’t get a very elevated perspective or discover very helpful new solutions if your body, mind, and spirit are swamped in anxiety and overwhelm. Find ways to help your nervous system to calm down (I have a BUNCH of free resources to help you so connect with me if you need some ideas) :: CLICK HERE :: to discover some of my most valuable transmissions.
  3. Stay Connected. Even though we have to have physical distance, there are many ways to make sure we’re not getting lost in isolation. Isolation magnifies the challenges. Together we are strong and we can do much more than the sum of our parts, so reach out (Again, my community and I will be doing a bunch of free online events, so connect with me :: BY CLIKING HERE :: to join our mailing list and get updates on what’s coming up for you.)

The big life upsets bring the most valuable gifts precisely because we would NEVER sign up for them, never willingly create the circumstances that surround them. Don’t let the immense treasures that lie in front of you go to waste because they’re wrapped in unattractive packages!

Don’t let the immediate need to quell your anxiety suck you into endless online entertainment. This moment, HOPEFULLY, won’t come around again any time soon. So work it for all it’s worth!

On the other side of this transformation, you could have traded in your many scurrying legs for a beautiful set of wings.

Until we can connect again my friend, may the Source be with you!

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Love in the Time of Coronavirus

By Amanda Eloesh

On Valentine’s Day, 2003, I was in a courtroom I often appeared in to testify as a Child Welfare Worker, in front of a judge I had often spoken to about the welfare of the families I was serving in Marin County for the Department of Child and Family Services. But on this day, I was not there representing the county. I was there representing myself. I knew several lawyers who had offered to show up and support my case, but it was so toxic I wanted everyone I knew to be as far away from it as possible. So, I was there on my own.

I was in court fighting to uphold the restraining order I had taken out against my husband, who had become addicted to meth-amphetamines and had all but destroyed our home and most of our possessions.

It had long been unsafe for me to be in my own home, which I was the sole provider for. The lease was in my name and it was part of my now almost unrecognizable husband’s plan to force me into being legally and financially responsible for his meth binge as he holed up, creating booby-traps and literal toxic waste it would take me a month and over $1,000 to clean up.

I was having panic attacks.

Not only was my personal life becoming a full on nightmare – watching someone I deeply love being lost to drugs, losing most of my possessions, and unable to live in the home I had to work a full time job to pay for – my job as a social worker was intense. I had two, yes two, families I was helping who had a parent addicted to meth-amphetamines. When it rains, it pours!

I had to tell two little girls under the age of 11 that they were going to be put up for adoption because their mother couldn’t pull herself out of the grips of this horrifying drug. I had to inform a wife that she and her husband may lose custody of their children because he tested positive, again, for this ominous substance.

Did I mention I was having panic attacks?

Several times a week, I would sit in my car, or have to come all the way home to sit and breathe, meditate, and allow the overwhelming sense that I was going to die calm down so that I could think straight and show up in a good way to protect the children on my caseload, and to take care of my own life that was getting the “Kali Etch-A-Sketch,” as I would later call it.

It was during this time, that the Sacred Feminine, in the form of Kali Ma, started to speak to me. She told me: “Do not let yourself respond in fear. That will only feed the story of fear. Do not respond to Dan’s (my husband’s) toxic threats and behaviors, no matter how frightening.” Then she showed me a chess board and I saw how someone else’s world that is structured in drug-addicted delirium, or even just lost in fear-based/survival-based thinking does not require my personal response. She showed me how my behaviors and responses can either focus on creating something helpful and healing, or it can feed into the misaligned, misinformed, and fear-riddled game plan of a diseased mind, validating it, making it more powerful, and putting me at the disadvantage of always being a step behind the game-master who had created this dystopian labyrinth.

It was really scary to trust this voice that said “Drop into meditation and prayer and move the way Source is guiding you. Do not move in the way of fear.”

So I had to take a moment, many moments, in fact, to calm myself. I had to give myself time to tune in and listen to the voice that comes from Everything that is Greater than me that wishes me well. From that reverent, humble, and curiously open state, I started to receive information about what to do. What was the best next step I could take? I was being shown in moments of stillness and silence.

Most of the time, it had nothing to do with the threats and the invocations of fear coming at me from my husband, who had gone into a paranoid schizophrenic-like delirium, and fueled by being a student of war strategy from many different traditions, as well as a master at chess and a Dungeons and Dragons. He had fallen into a very dark rabbit hole and was creating a painful game and my instructions were to not let any of it faze me, and to not validate the game by stepping onto the game board.

I would get information from my time at my altar. I would do what I was “told,” and each step of the way, from getting the restraining order, to my appearance in court, to what I said to my co-workers, friends, and family  . . . it was all guided by something far beyond my fears and my ego. It was unfamiliar. It was not my ego or my fear. It was wisdom from Source.

What I noticed was that things went amazingly well. Each of Dan’s moves, strategically set up to trap me in some way, were thwarted by the fact that I wasn’t on his game board. He didn’t own the real estate of my life. He wasn’t one step ahead because I wasn’t on the same road. He couldn’t best me at the wrestling match, because I wasn’t engaging with him on the mat.

I was engaging with Everything that is Greater than me that wishes me well, and I was being guided through the lens of love, compassion, truth, and beauty.

The judge sitting across from us only gave Dan a couple of minutes to speak his wild stories before he upheld the restraining order and dismissed the case. The officer on duty in the courtroom, who had heard me testify many times to defend children’s safety now mouthed the words “I’m so sorry,” with an authentic look of heartbreak and pity on his face.

Since then, I have been committed to listening to “Source” as my guiding light. I have also been committed to helping others to do the same – accessing the “Open Source” that is there when we can hear something more refined than the loud booming of the fear and survival-based programming of the subconscious.

There is SO MUCH INFORMATION out there about everything. So much is helpful. So much is NOT helpful.

There are people who have helpful information and communicate it wrapped in anxiety and paranoia and it spreads toxic energy that is harmful and can make it difficult to unwrap the hard shell to discover the helpful gift inside.

It is so important, now more than ever, to make sure that, in addition to helpful, accurate, and current information, we are also spreading helpful ways to stay peaceful and mentally and emotionally well on the inside. Our health and well-being is more than just our physical bodies and medical status. This virus is NOT an isolated, disconnected incident. It is part of a whole momentum that, if handled well, can lead to deeper connection, great learning, and social evolution. If not handled well, it can be blown up into something even worse than it already is, and we will lose much more than we already have.

It is important to be safe, be well informed, and to take care of ourselves and our community through responsible action. The only way to have a clear head about how to respond best is to drop into a place of love, kindness, and dedication to being of service beyond our own personal stories, fears, and survival programming. Listen to the people you know and respect personally. Share in best-practices conversations with family, housemates, neighbors . . .  Now is the time to build the bonds with those we are closest with and to create alliances with like-hearted and like-minded communities to support each other on how we best serve.

I saw much of what is happening now in a vision about 10 years ago. What I was shown is that helping others to drop into an empowered place of peace and calm and making decisions as unencumbered from fear as possible, is essential.

My whole Noble Purpose is based in helping others to dismantle and deprogram the fear-based, survival-based behaviors that are in control of 90% of our decisions, behaviors, and thoughts. What I know for certain is that fear will always steer us off course of the elevated path to health and thriving. Regardless of what truths are woven into the fear, the way that accurate information is pieced together, communicated and shared has fundamental flaws when controlled by limiting fear formulas whose pre-destined outcomes are . . . manufacturing more fear.

Anyone who feels confident in sharing accurate information about best practices should also take it upon themselves to share it in a way that attends to the whole health and well-being of our human reality.

Action is important. Action inspired from internal peace, calm, centeredness and presence is much more effective, reliable, and helpful than a quick and panicked reaction.

As we spread information to be of support to each other, let’s remember to attend to the WHOLE of our human experience. Mind, body, and spirit. It is all connected, it all matters, and it will be much more helpful if the helpful information is delivered with presence and calm.

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One of Ayahuasca’s Many Gifts

By Amanda Eloesh

It was the day after the sound healing I had done for a workshop at Esalen. We were all sitting around in the dining room having breakfast. He’d already told me the night before that he was really moved by my voice and that it had transported him to “the same place that DMT does,” and now he was telling me again how much he appreciated my offering. There was something very familiar about him and I was starting to put some pieces together. His name is Dave, he keeps talking about his band project in L.A. . . . “Hey Dave, what is the name of the band you’re in?” “Oh,” he replied, “It’s a band called Jane’s Addiction.” Dave Navarro! It was Dave fucking Navarro! And he was expounding upon my music?! Was I in another reality? This hardly seemed real and I almost felt like I needed to pinch myself.

I was sitting there in the dark, feeling like I was a wave of blissful energy when I heard the shaman’s assistant ask me if I would sing. Even though, in the ordinary world I had just come from, that would have been enough to create a freeze response and my voice would have locked up, in this moment, with the softening and opening of the plant medicine, I opened my mouth and what came out felt like it was not me.

Something beautiful and etheric flowed through that turned the wave of bliss into a fountain of ecstasy. I felt like a witness to my own singing. Something greater than me was praying through me.

Afterward, people asked me if I was a professional singer. Although it had been a very secret fantasy of mine (and I’d even seen visions of myself changing people’s lives through what flowed out of my mouth -it was never specific whether it was words, songs, sounds or something else), the reality seemed impossible because every time I tried to open my mouth to sing in front of pretty much anyone, my throat would close up and I wouldn’t be able to make a peep.

That was my second Ayahuasca ceremony, and over the years, that profound and even miraculous gift of my voice from this sacred plant medicine brought me back time and time again. Soon I started to learn songs that I could sing, and after a while, I started to allow myself to improvise in the moment, letting Spirit move through my vocal chords.

I realized that my shyness was being healed, but I also realized that it only really worked if I was singing in service to healing and singing songs of devotion. If I was in “performer” mode, it didn’t work so great.

Through the years, after now countless ceremonies with Mama Aya, my voice has been freed up and I am not so shy about sharing my voice through songs and sound healing. Sound healing and singing/chanting/toning are are part of all the ceremonies we offer, and while I still have shy places in my voice and room to grow, there seems to be deep healing that comes from offering up my voice in service.

One of the last ceremonies I was in while on dieta in the Amazon, Mama Ayahuasca gave me a powerful download that showed me (and even embedded within me) that all of our indigenous languages of origin (the specific ones I know about are Hebrew, Sanskrit, Egyptian, and Mayan) are sacred frequencies that the Holies spoke to pray us into our physical form. These languages of light and sound are what our physical bodies and all matter in this galaxy are made of. And, they showed me that, because of this, sound is the original shamanic healing modality. It made perfect sense.

When I came back from that journey, my voice seemed, during ceremony, to vibrate in ways that felt outside of myself. Sometimes it would (and still does) sound like there are other people singing along from other parts of the room.

I always assumed that it was the Medicine that created that effect and that, in real life, I wasn’t capable of producing such powerful frequencies unaided. But then I had the privilege of being asked to offer a sound healing for a week-long workshop at Esalen. I felt a bit awkward being in a space that was not my own, with a group that I was just meeting for the first time, without a previously created ceremonial container. I had done deep self-care in the world class mineral baths there, but was otherwise unaltered.

I dropped in and gave it my best, and felt like it was a solid B+. But afterward, most of the people came up to tell me how powerful it had been. One of them, I would later realize, was indeed, Dave Navarro. Not only had my voice “transported [him] to the same place that DMT does,” it inspired him to ask me to do a private ceremony with him.

If you had told me, as an angsty 20-something who could talk loudly, but couldn’t offer a line of music in public that I would one day mystify one of the band members of one of my all time favorites, Jane’s Addiction, I would never have believed you. But thanks to this potent gift from Ayahuasca, opening my voice in service to healing, I have been able to not only heal myself, but have helped others to have unexpected breakthroughs in their own right.

It’s not that I didn’t do a LOT of my own inner work along with the plant medicine. I did. But I absolutely know that the immense shift from being mute to singing and transforming lives with my voice for a living was magnified and quickened in quantum ways because of the loving medicine of Ayahuasca.

The amazing thing is that this is JUST ONE of MANY magical stories of healing, transformation, and elevation that are integrally connected with sacred plant allies.

People who have come to our group ceremonies have ended their need for anti-depressants, ended alcohol addictions, healed chronic pain and emotional trauma and the list goes on.

I don’t know why these plants are able and willing to do so much to help us heal, but I do know that they are, indeed, here to help.

If you’re interested in how plant medicines can support you in transforming your life in a safe and sacred way, you can use this link to schedule some time to talk with me about the private and group ceremonies we offer through the Church of Living Wisdom, a dogma-free, “plant-based” :-D, Medicine Temple Mystery School. :: CLICK HERE :: to fill out an assessment and get that valuable time with me.

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The Shadows that Emerge when Ascending

By Amanda Eloesh

In an instant, I had gone from an ecstatic DMT-like journey into excruciating pain. I was certain I was having a heart attack, and as I brought myself back into conscious awareness of my surroundings, I could see my partner smiling at me with a pleased look on his face.

I knew I was in the throes of a fear-based subconscious program, but since my other cognitive functions were locked around the pain and convinced I was dying, I couldn’t think anything other than “Why isn’t he helping me? Why does he seem so calm and happy? He must have planned this. This must be some sort of trick to dominate me!” I knew I was either absolutely bat-shit crazy because my shadow was being excavated by our powerful Tantric energetic healing practice, or I was heart-breakingly accurate. WHO KNEW? In that moment, I had no certainty about anything.

I know I have certainly made some questionable choices and overlooked signs that, of course, in hindsight, “should have been obvious,” so how could I know whether my fear was feeding me some old worn out bullshit, or trying to get me to see something very real and very dangerous right in front of my eyes?

Well, since I couldn’t trust my projections on the outside, I decided to bring my full and loving attention to what was happening inside my body. I had a golfball-sized knot that I could feel at my heart. It was energetic, but was also causing unbelievable pain. As I dropped into my Subconscious Success Repatterning practice – the one I’ve been using and sharing consciously with clients for over 16 years now (and cultivating since 1982), I started to realize that I had been loosening up and shedding so many layers of trauma (emotional, mental, psychic, and physical) that there was a bottle-neck traffic jam that had happened in a moment of overwhelm. There was some little energy “snag” that things had gotten caught on. I breathed into it, gave it my love and empty presence, and tried to soften and relax.

Who knows how long I was like that, loving all the pain and being kind to my body, mind, and spirit as intense core wounding tried to make its way out of my being.

It makes sense . . . as Ramadin has been working on me with the bodywork, we have been uncovering some really dark and scary shit from my past that hadn’t yet been fully processed.

Growing up female in the Mormon religion, I did not feel in control of my body (there are LOTS of great things about my childhood and growing up the way I did, but the Mormon church is NOT particularly known for its empowerment of women and their raw feminine power). That lack of sovereignty early on lead to hating my body, an eating disorder, and body dysmorphic disorder.

At the height of its grip, I had eating blackouts and put on an extra 40 pounds that I couldn’t seem to put a dent in regardless of exercise and obsessive calorie and fat monitoring. I now faced the fear that this old dark shadow would re-emerge and take over again. It’s the fear we ALL have when we finally decide to quit ignoring our blocks, our stuck patterns, and go in and do the deep core wound cleaning that’s necessary to be truly free.

Over the past few weeks I’ve been experiencing these old heavy stories being released from my body. The massage Ramadin has been doing has been immensely painful at times. The aftermath has felt like I was in a car accident. But I can feel that it is bringing more health and vitality into my world. My body is able to move more and do more without severe consequences. So I’ve been committed to breathe through it, soften, open, release and then do it all over again until I am free.

Even though this is my life’s work and I KNOW that the shadows we are clearing from our realities will often appear very strongly as they are coming up and out of our systems, it is incredibly challenging to be right in the middle of it and not buy back into the fear story. Fortunately, I have a loving partner who is willing and able to not take it (too) personally and holds space for me as I fully surrender into the elevation. It feels very much like what I imagine giving birth to be. In pain, but the only way through is forward. Can’t turn back now!

After I was finally in a place to express what was happening – telling Ramadin that I had severe pain in my heart and was needing to focus on letting go of whatever had become entangled on its way out – he of course offered to help me. It was scary, because that fear story wanted to make him the bad guy responsible for my pain, but I relaxed and, staying tuned in to what was happening, allowed him to hold me and to help pull out the psychic thorns and tangles that were causing so much darkness and suffering as they were trying to leave my system. When it was all over, I took a long hot shower and shared with him what had emerged.

“I didn’t understand why you seemed so pleased while I was in such pain. Was that an illusion? Did you actually have a smile on your face?” I asked.

Ramadin had no idea what I was going through. We were in the process of an intimate and ecstatic Tantric practice and it became apparent to him that I was releasing something really big. He had no idea it was so painful and no idea it had triggered so much shadow and darkness. He was simply smiling because he could feel all that I was letting go of and he loves me.

That made perfect sense, but in the moment of being consumed by fear, I couldn’t see anything but my own perspective, which was colored by the lenses of pain and a healing story that has an imprint of the masculine being a threat to the feminine. WHAT A RELIEF to reach this new and profoundly deep layer AND to LET IT GO!

After the shower, I had to lay down, balled up under the blankets while Ramadin held me. This, too, was hard to even let in because I am so conditioned to being abandoned, or worse, attacked when I am in a vulnerable place like this. My system almost can’t compute that there is someone who wants to hold me through this intensity.

I slept deep and hard. I have been a little bit ungrounded and feeling awkward and slightly disoriented since then. I feel spaciousness inside of myself and it is almost like the rest of me is kind of floating around inside this spaciousness, not quite knowing what is connected and where things fit anymore because so much was released.

I have been kind to myself. Been doing the kind of self care I recommend when working with clients on integrating a big transformational experience. I’ve let myself rest more, given myself cleaner and better food, and been kinder to myself when my mind, body or spirit are not completely back online.

What I’ve noticed since then is that there is more synchronicity, things that were feeling a bit ominous and tenuous are opening up into beautiful possibilities and grounding into more stability. Old limiting ways of being in the world are gone from my system and even more magic is coming in.

This was a humbling experience and I’m so grateful for it. The work I do with Ramadin is profoundly life changing, and it often has this kind of an impact on our clients. They make a big prayer and then . . . they get the BIG healing – cleared out of the things (relationships, careers, possessions, residences, faculties, limitations . . .) that no longer serve. Many times, these are things they’ve been clinging to (sometimes like a life-preserver) thinking it’s what’s saving them, but it’s actually the thing holding them down. From the stuck, afraid vantage point that they are in, it is hard to see anything different that could be better. Once those things are released and that new empty (and sacred) space is held in reserve for everything that aligns with the prayer, then the prayer starts to manifest instantly.

What I am so grateful to realize is that when I don’t try to do it all by myself and trust that my partner, even though my fear says he’s the one who’s causing it, can help me to let go of the limitations that have been holding me back, I can reach new levels of liberation from my old wounds and subsequent fear-based subconscious programs.

My life has never been one of the mundane. The elevation is still a lot of fucking work, but consciously moving through pain and doing the scary work of clearing out the subconscious and cleaning old core wounds leads to a sense of peace and health that is, in my personal experience and opinion, well worth the kick-ass journey.

This work is NOT for everyone. Only the Sacred Rebels, those not satisfied with the status quo, those courageous enough to walk through the fire of their deepest fears for the sake of liberation of the soul.

If you are one of those who has always chosen the path of truth, integrity, and self-liberation over conformity and complacency, we feel you, honor you, and send a prayer your way.

If you would like help moving through the valley of your own shadow from those who have been there and choose to go there time and time again and know how to help you navigate it with ease, grace, and making beauty as you go, we are here for you. Nothing would bring us greater joy than to support you in stepping through to a new level of clarity and liberation from the programming and internalized oppression that gets in there from culture, social norms, former caretaker’s best intentions and the unavoidable pitfalls of being a human (especially right now).

We have a gift for you if you are up for this hero’s journey. You can talk with us for 60 minutes to explore what your Noble Purpose is, what’s holding you back, and what ceremonies, programs and packages we have that can help you to stop losing hours, months or even years to painful repeating patterns. There’s no reason to stay stuck. We’ve been there, broken free, and have helped countless others to do the same. We can help you do it, too.

Times are calling us all to be able to show up with a clear mind, a loving heart, and the courage to do what’s right in the face of so much that is dark and heavy. :: CLICK HERE :: to claim your time with us and fill out an assessment form to help us know how we can best support you on your path.

I’m continuing to explore who I am without these old familiar (though unhelpful) layers. I’d rather be awkwardly flying than confidently crawling.

The path of ascension is full of the old structures that held us together. These are the shadows that need to be composted so that we can lighten our load and live a bigger, more elevated prayer.

Meeting your shadow like this is, once again, NOT a sign of your failure or proof of your lack of value. It is, in fact, proof that you are releasing some old stuff that no longer serves you. Do your eternal Self a favor, and let that shit go and allow yourself the elevation your prayer deserves.

The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
— Jellaludin Rumi,

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